Sage Francis - Underbite Ben Finds God lyrics

I remember once I found God
He was so happy i found him in
The card catalog at the public library
Nobody looks there anymore
Thanks to Dewy decimal I found him
Feasting on his manhood just to stay alive
He could have feasted off
That monster for centuries
Serious, he was hung like this
You figure finding god might win
You automatic entry into Hellven, but no
I have to fool myself there
Just like everybody else
Then I said, "Ah, can I get three wishes!?"
"I'm not that kind of god", he said
He did teach me sign language so
I wouldn't have to fog
Up my mirror with these long
Winded self-evaluations every morning
"Look at you, concave man"
You know what concave means? We
Have a young crowd
It means I have an inny instead of an outty
The best thing about being concave
Besides having your
Balls look so huge and out of place
It's the midgets
They crawl inside and paint
Pictures on the wall
A little person died there once
That's what I mean when I mention the ghosts
I'm haunted, down there welcome to my world
It's a world where all the
Well endowed animals of this
Planet simultaneously die from a horrible
Case of womb envy
It's a world where Natalie
Portman stalks me, and she's still 14
And it's OK, 'cause it's my world baby
It's a world where when you
Multiply a negative number by
A negative number, you don't
Get a positive number
You get a bigger negative number!
And I don't have to beat
Boxes to keep you interested
Mommies don't die, she never left me
And there's not dark sweat marks where
My fucking heart should be
When I fly, it's first class bitch
All they serve is vegetarian
Meals on my flight
The guy on the side of me's pissed
"Excuse me please check the back
See if you got one with chicken in it
Maybe? Maybe someone could get me chicken?"
"I'm sorry sir
You gotta call forty-eight hours ahead of
Time to get your meat meal"
He's none too pleased, so he calls me on
His cellphone, to tell me about his
Superbowl show!
I don't know! Wanna flow? Go to go
Toe to toe i don't rock Polo
He gets bombarded by these public service
Announcements that let him know
"You supported terrorism by
Paying taxes! And
Driving all over the place
You could have just fucking
Walked down the street" fact!
And I laughed, all the way
To the sperm banks, soccer mom
Haha, it's not my world, it's his
The big white guy in the sky
I'm stuck down here, looking into my
Foggy mirror, peering into my concave
Practicing my math on all
You poor aborted fetus's
Reminding myself how far away I am from God
I chopped off my dick, shoved it into my
Asshole, and smuggled it out of the country
For you!