Talkshow Boy - Watch As I Perform My Own Tracheotomy lyrics

I pay attention to TV
Ashley Olsen is my enemy
I pay attention to TV
Taylor Hanson is my enemy
Get a few more beers in me
& I'd sleep with half the
People in this room
I'd give them STDs & infect their
Lives with creepy-crawlies

Down, down, down
Your thalidomide arms weren't designed
To hug me
You were made to love me like
You do do do do do
Down, down, down
Your thalidomide arms weren't designed
To hug me
You were made to love me like
You do do do do do
(Down down down)

I pay attention to the radio (yeah?)
I lick buzzwords off talk back radio!
I pay attention to the game show Q&A
& crosswords to expand my vocabulary!
Can I order you a vodka lime?
& do you have the time to
Fill my mouth with you?
I've been noticing the tiniest things
I'm the number one sucker for a
Girl who bites her lip

& I hear wedding chimes in crystal chapels
Cake, caviar, coat tailed
I walk down the aisle with you
& we kiss like a couple for the congregation
& the paedophile priest at the altar says
"Adrian, do do do do do do-
Do you take this girl to be yr wife?"
"Hell yes, vice versa, likewise"
"Do you take this girl to be yr wife?"
"Yeah, yeah, vice versa, likewise"
"Do you take this girl to be yr wife?"
Her thalidomide arms are lifelike

I met a girl at a club
She was pouring out her love
I wanted to kiss her, I was too shy
She gave me the finger
& we played noughts & crosses
& scissors paper-rock & I said

"Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
& when you're working later if
You wanna telemarket me
& yes I'd like a drink but if
I drank it I'd be vomiting
& yes I'd like to kiss you but
You gotta get on top of me
& show me that you wanna kiss
Me back & never run away
Until we both have headaches & yr
Bedroom seems the safest place
I wanna make out on yr sheepskin rug
Let my fingers do the talking
& I talk until my tongue is tied up
I talk until my tongue is tied up
I talk until my tongue is tied up
I talk until my tongue is tied up
(up-up-up) "
& I said

"Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy"
"Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy"
"Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy"
"Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy"
"watch as i perform my own tracheotomy"
"watch as i perform my own tracheotomy"
"watch as i perform my own tracheotomy"
"watch as i perform my own tracheotomy"