The Jolly Rogers - Oldest Profession lyrics

I've tried life as a sailor
A pirate and a thief
But it was not 'til now that
I knew what I should be
I swaggered through the brothel doors
And marched straight ahead
When I reached the counter I looked
At the girl and said:

"I want to be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I want to be a jezebel
A floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet
I'm just a tramp at heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute
A hooker or a tart!"

Well I guess it shocked her
She did not know what to say
Then she said "That's impossible it
Doesn't work that way"


"I'll demonstrate just what I got"
Was the pitch I gave
She nearly had a stroke
But she wasn't quite that brave

She told me that I should talk
To all the girls upstairs
'Cause no approval I could find
Would mean more then theirs
When I reached the second floor
They poured into the hall
And I said, "Hello ladies
I've got something to tell you all"

"I want to be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I want to be a jezebel
A floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet
I'm just a tramp at heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute
A hooker or a tart!"

They laughed and said, "There is no way
It never has been done"
But a girl said "Let's find out" and
Led me in room Number 1
And six hours later when I left room 24
I knew that I had managed
To satisfy the floor!

They said, "There's a girl upstairs
For special clientele
For you to have a chance she's
The one could really tell"
I climbed the stairs, knocked on the
Door and said to her, "Hello!"
"Before we start anything there's
Something you should know, "

"I want to be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I want to be a jezebel
A floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet
I'm just a tramp at heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute
A hooker or a tart!"

She said that it was funny and
She laughed at my plan
And told me I could never hack it
Because I was just a man
So I said "Let me prove
It" and I did lickity-split
And trust me when I tell you, boys
I took my time with it

She panted, "I admit it
I was wrong right from the start
Go upstairs and see the Madam and
You'll work here if she's smart!"
I went to he Madam's office
And let myself right in
"Finally!" I thought and I said
To her with a grin:

"I want to be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I want to be a jezebel
A floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet
I'm just a tramp at heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute
A hooker or a tart!"

"I'll give you just one chance to prove
You're not out of your head, "
And I knew that I had proved it
When she looked at me and said
"Gee, you found the spot I thought
Was legend or a myth
You make a perfect case that I
Find hard to argue with!"

Women now are working on the
Ships and docks and shores
And should have the same options as
The men who came before so now I have a job
Taking care of ladies' needs
And all you jealous bastards should
Come sing along with:

"I want to be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I want to be a jezebel
A floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet
I'm just a tramp at heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute
A hooker or a tart!"

"I want to be a trollop, a harlot or a whore
I want to be a jezebel
A floozy and what's more
I was meant to be a strumpet
I'm just a tramp at heart
So I'm here to be a prostitute
A hooker or a tart!"