The Northern Boys, Norman Pain, Patrick Karneigh Junior - Nobody Likes Me lyrics

Right, it’s Patrick Karneigh Junior
Norman Pain and Kev (Woo)

My wife’s got a Bichhon Friese
With a sex addiction
And it’s hard to walk him in the park
Every other dog we see
Gets chased and pinned
And fucked and licked in the arse
My grandson’s smoking weed in his bedroom
Texting girls photos of his cock (Jesus)
Fuck (Huh) , if her dad comes 'round then I’ll smash his car with a rock

Big old balls, they drag me down
You’ll find me dancing 'round sexy town
Red light district, peddling around
And then I get mugged and my pants turn brown
Bachelor pad, covered in spaff
Dorito crumbs all up in my bath
Flaking skin on my head (Huh)
Sunburnt flesh, let it shed (Yes)

Wake up Sunday, wife just punched
Me, said she’s hungry, gotta go cook
Wi-Fi’s broken, so I gotta watch my porn in
The form of comic books
Brother, look, wank myself with
A single finger, captain Hook
Then I go smoke my pipe with a random
Man in a dark and weary nook

Bought a transgender man two pints
Can I get lucky and fist him tonight?
Constrict my cock with a pink hair tie
Not too tight, no, I don’t wanna die
Used to have a dog, his name was Francis
Then he ran away, what a selfish bastard
Now I’ve got a cat and his name is Patrick
PKJ got jealous and attacked it

When I say "Hi!", I get shut down
When I’m outside, I get stressed out
When I got people around, I’m anxious
Nobody likes me, what the fuck now?
When I say "Hi!", I get shut down
When I’m outside, I get stressed out
When I got people around, I’m anxious (Okay)
Nobody likes me, what the fuck now?

Call me the neighbour’s name when you fuck
Me, you ain’t gotta kiss me
You ain’t gotta hug me (Please)
Shit, I mean really, just do something
Please just touch me
I don’t wanna go to my nephew’s
Birthday, his friends play rugby
They might just hurt me (yeah)
Last time they just kicked my shins
And spat on my Christmas turkey (yeah)

Hit another spliff and I feel alright
Then I hit another line, I convulse and fly
(Mm) rip out my heart, left open wide
Jump on the back of my ex and pipe (Pipe)
I’m like "Hello?", I’m like "Hi"
"Do you want a back rub? Do you wanna die?"
(Hah)
"Do you wanna catch up? Do you wanna cry?"
"Do you wanna slice of the painful pie?"

Wife’s got a best-friend, her name’s Sandy
She’s got a husband, his name’s Andy
I like to picture them when they fuck
And imagine that her ass
Tastes sweet like candy
Who’s got a camera? Wanna take a picture?
Got a good shot of my best-friend’s sister
She’s bent down with her hand on red
Rock hard in the middle of a game of Twister

I play the horns, the horns of death (Death)
A girl said "Hi", now I’m obsessed (Hi)
Stick it in the wank bank, back to the nest
Then it’s candlelight, lay back and caress
(Buh) i’m not alone, the voice in my head
Tells me I’m handsome and great in bed (Yes)
When you got chocolate, who needs sex?
I can just wank to a text instead

When I say "Hi!", I get shut down
When I’m outside
(Woo) I get stressed out (yeah)
When I got people around, I’m anxious
Nobody likes me (Ugh) what the fuck now?
When I say "Hi!", I get shut down
When I’m outside, I get stressed out
When I got people around, I’m anxious
Nobody likes me, what the fuck now? (Hah)

Oh yeah, alright, oh yeah, alright, oh yeah
Alright