Tom MacDonald - I Don’t Drink lyrics

I screwed up, I just wanna say I'm sorry
It's all my fault
You should probably ignore me
Oh my God,  should've given you a warning
All my friends are sick and
Tired of this story (Woo)
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk
I'm annoying (yeah, yuh)
Call your phone when it's
Three in the morning (yeah)
Start a fight, parked a whip in your garden
(Ayy) prolly think I am mentally retarded
(yeah, hi)
Please, don't call me crazy 'cause I'm not
(Woo, because I'm not)
Last night, I had one too many shots
(Too many shots)
Blacked out, got arrested by the cops (Woo)
Woke up on the neighbors front lawn

Every time that I'm hangover
I convince myself I'm dying
Where the hell'd my pants go and
Why is my girlfriend crying?
I say that I remember what I did
But I am lying
There's a tattoo on my buttcheek
It's a beer can and he's smiling

I'm pretty sure the last night
Went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk
I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?

I'm a mess, and I know you don't deserve it
You're the best
And I'm a pretty stupid person
Nonetheless, you try to help
Me 'cause I'm hurting i confess
Sometimes I feel like I'm not worth it (Woo)
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk
I'm a problem (yeah, ayy)
I don't care who I hurt, I feel awesome
(I feel awesome)
Holy crap, it's either jail or a coffin
Soon enough, I'ma be at rock bottom
Please help, tell me, how'd I end up here?
(Where am I?)
Last night, I had one too many beers
(Too many beers)
Flashbacks, but I can't remember clear
Why I texted all my exes
And we haven't spoke in years

Every time that I'm hangover
Last night doesn't feel so funny
I threw up on my front step
And I wasted all my money
I got naked in the night club
Right in front of all my buddies
Then I went home with some
Girl I thought was hot, but she is ugly
(Is ugly)

I'm pretty sure the last night
Went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk
I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?

You call my phone
'Kay be quiet, can you hear it?
I don't hear it damn, oh no, my sexy photos
Can we clear it? We need to clear it

I'm pretty sure the last night
Went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk
I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?

Hello? Hello, babe
Hello, babe
I was just recording me calling you
So I can put it in the song oh, okay
I love you i love you, too
Bye bye