Vlogbrothers, Hank Green - Sexual Abuse, Consent, and Culture lyrics

Good Morning John

I want to start this off by
Saying that I am not
A doctor, I'm not a counselor
I haven't experienced sexual abuse
I'm just a person with some thoughts that
Hopefully could be helpful to someone

Sex is complicated, in like
Every way imaginable this is not aided
By the fact that we
Have a general societal taboo against
Discussing it so when we do talk about it
It's often shrouded in metaphors and
Innuendo and bombasticity that
Means a lot of the sexual norms
Of our culture are mysterious
And we don't actually talk about them we
Just sort of infer them i think
That's dumb and that's part of why I
Helped Nick and Lindsey start Sexplanations

I think that our culture has kind
Of a messed up relationship
With sex we somehow have made
These relationships, uh, into, like
Predator prey relationships like, one person
Is the, you know, the cruise
Missile of desire, and the other
One is the sweet
Chaste little kitten and the
Cruise missile has
To get the kitten and the kitten
Runs away I don't know why it's
A cruise missile and a kitten

I do know, though
That this is a dumb system i
Think that a lot of the
Joy and wonder and excitement of a
Romantic relationship comes from those
Moments of excitedly discovering
That both parties are into this we're in-
We're both into this! That's a
Great feeling! The attack missile
Kitten relationship does not encourage that

I wanna be clear
I'm explaining culture but I'm not
Excusing the behavior when we're
Set up to assume that the kitten is gonna run
Whether the kitten wants the
Cruise missile or not, that enables abuse in
My opinion this is, I'm sure
Not all of the reason
But one of of the big reasons why sexual
Abuse is so common in our culture
Okay, I said sexual abuse
But what- what is sexual
Abuse? Legally, the definition has
To be very specific, so that it can
Stand up in court so, it's
Different state to state, country to
Country but for the purposes of
Having a general definition
Let's just say that sexual abuse is
When one party is being coerced
Into doing something sexual that they
Do not want to do

That can be because the
Victim is incapacitated, or
Because the abuser is an authority figure
Or because the victim is placed in
A dangerous situation where they
Feel like they don't have the option of
Saying no or getting out of
The situation the gender of the parties
Is irrelevant, it can be sex
It can be kissing

If one person doesn't want to
Be doing what they are doing and they are
Being coerced or pressured
Into doing it, then that is abuse and it
Is ubiquitous and it needs to not be
Because it holds us back as a
Culture we have to rid ourselves
Of that outdated and rotten conception that
Sexual relationships are like predator
Prey things

Let's zoom in for this romantic
Relationships can be wonderful
But you have to have that magical thing
Consent and not saying no is not the same
As saying yes we need to communicate
We need to be sensitive, we
Need to talk about what we do
And don't want to do, and we have to respect
And NOT pressure people
When they don't want to do something

This video is part of a long
Conversation that is going to continue
To be had for a long time but John and I have
Some ideas about how to keep it moving first
We've already started working
With a group of Nerdfighters, including
Some survivors of sexual abuse
Who will be working as a task
Force against abuse and assault

Second, we want to produce and
Fund a series of
Videos that discusses abuse and
Consent and sexual
Relationships, especially in light of
The new digital world
Like where does Skype fit into it all
Right?

And third
We're looking to partner with some
Existing sexual assault organizations
To bring their work and their
Resources into our community
And hopefully into other online
Communities as well john, i know
We're not gonna fix the whole
World but I'm please
D to be in a position where we can at
Least start to help enable
Some positive change

I'll see you on Tuesday