​brentalfloss - The Roommate Song lyrics

If I have to walk in on
My roommate one more time
Sitting with his hand upon his lap
Filling my computer screen with
Pictures dirty and obscene
It may be the last before I snap

If I have to walk in on
My roommate one more time
Looking at me with those guilty eyes
Grabbing a blanket in one swift motion
Not to mention my bottle of lotion
I may have to say my last goodbyes

I understand the primal need to
Relieve oneself of course
And I've accepted the fact that some guys
Like watching girls jerk off a horse
But, I can't believe the rudeness
The lack of courtesy
It's okay to use my towel
But not without asking me, okay?
If I have to walk in on
My roommate one more time
And ask him to delete three gigs of porn
I mean I'm not usually picky
But my keyboard's always sticky
So excuse me if I treat him with some scorn!

If I have to walk in on
My roommate one more time
Not looking quite so guilty anymore
He says "Nah, you might as well just stay
I'm about to blow it anyway"
I think I may just push him out the door
I don't mind how he tries sometimes
To make out with the screen
Just a spray or two of Windex
And for a day or two, it's clean
Now I don't like to condescend and
I don't want to nag
But, if you violate one of my bagels
Don't put it back in the fuckin' bag!

So if I have to walk in
On my roommate one more time
Sitting there in stolen lingerie
Holding in his rosy palm
A topless picture of my mom?
I don't think I'm gonna let him stay

But maybe I will