​of Montreal - Ira's Brief Life as a Spider lyrics

All the baby spiders in the nursery
Waving to each other clinging
To their mothers and smile at their dads
Smile at their dads who say
Now that's a clever lad

One particular spider
Who's parents had named Ira
Fell out of his mother's arms and became
Lost inside the giant insect hospital
Since mother spiders give birth to so
Many babies at one time
It is exceedingly difficult to keep
Track of all of them
And sometimes a baby will
Get lost without it's
Mother ever being aware of it's absence
Ira was just such a case
He crawled about for hours
Crying but his mother
Couldn't hear him for Ira was a mute
This is where the story gets interesting
He opened his mouth and discovered a lake
In a crater on his tongue
He was thirsty so he drank from the lake
This proved to be a fatal mistake
As the lake was really a
Cake filled with poisonous snakes
And Ira died

A nurse discovered dead baby Ira
And sank with grief
She gently lifted him up to her breast and
Carried him weeping to the head nurse
To see if any baby spiders
Had been reported missing
The head nurse checked her
Missing baby spider file
And told her that No
No missing baby spiders have been reported
The nurse holding dead baby Ira then asked if
They could have a funeral for him
The head nurse
Being a very caring grasshopper
Agreed that that would be the
Proper thing to do
So they dug a small hole near a yellow tulip
Held a brief but moving requiem
And with great sadness buried baby Ira

Miraculously, Ira was quickly reincarnated
As a wild horse
On the far off planet called Nearly
On Nearly
Wild horses hold the majority in the
Senate and Ira has discovered pudding
His favorite is the kind without raisins

All the baby spiders in the nursery
Waving to each other clinging
To their mothers and smile at their dads
Smile at their dads who say
Now that's a clever lad