Bo Burnham - Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant) lyrics

I went to Kanye West's recent tour
The Yeezus Tour
It was a big, dramatic, theatrical show
He did something very strange at
The end of his show
Where he ranted for like 20 minutes
It was kind of a rant, kind of a song
He had auto tune on his voice
And there was an instrumental
In the background, like this instrumental
He talked about his problems race, power
His $90 T-shirts weren't selling very well
That was most of it and I watched this
I thought maybe I could do this
I'll be honest, my problems are not
As high stakes as Kanye's
But I have problems
And maybe a crowd in New York would
Be nice enough to indulge me
So as we get to the end
Of a night of theater
And comedy and sweaters coming on and off
I got one question for you
And that question is

Can I say my shit?

I've got lots of shit to say
I've got lots of shit to say (O oh)
I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can
I have a huge amount of trouble
Fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can
I can get my hand like
Four inches into the can
But then I have to tilt the can into my mouth
But by that point
A bunch of crumbs have accumulated at
The bottom of the can
So they all go spilling onto my face
What I'm trying to say is the diameter
Of Pringle cans is way too small
I'll say it again
The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small
Two radiuses of a Pringle can
Is way too small
If you feel me, put your hands up, come on!
If you feel me, put your hands up
Look at all these hands that are way too
Big to fit inside a Pringle can
Your hands are too big to
Fit inside of Pringle cans
Your hands are too big to
Fit inside a Pringle can
You think you can, I know you can't
You think you can
Pringles! Listen to the people!
I am sure ninety percent of
The complaint letters you get
Are about the width of your
Cans just make them wider
I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry

I wanna have a daughter
Wanna have a daughter so I can finally have
Someone around the house
Who can fit their hands in a Pringle can
Yes, I'm still on the
Pringle cans thing! yeah!
I'll-I'll move on, alright?
But that is priority número uno
I don't go to the gym
'cause I'm self-conscious about my body
But, I'm self-conscious about my body 'cause
I don't go to the gym
Irony can be so painful, that's a Catch-22
Ooh let's do this!
I went to Chipotle, went to Chipotle
Got myself a chicken burrito, brrap
I went down the line I
Got like all these ingredients
And at the end of the line
The guy tried to wrap the burrito
But half of the shit inside the burrito
Spilled out he still wrapped it
I was like, "Dude
You should have warned me!"
You're a burrito expert you should
Have told me halfway through "Hey, man
You might be reaching maximum
Burrito capacity here"
Do you think I want a messy burrito?
No one wants a messy burrito
The whole appeal of a burrito is
That all of the ingredients
Are contained within the confines
Of the tortilla
I wouldn't have gotten half this shit if I
Knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito!
Alright? Look

I wouldn't have got the lettuce if
I knew it wouldn't fit
Wouldn't have got the cheese if
I knew it wouldn't fit
Wouldn't have got the peppers if
I knew they wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got, half of it
Like, I'm okay with small mistakes
If you've got no more chicken, I'll take pork
But, I'll blow my dad before I
Eat a burrito with a fork

Wouldn't have got the lettuce if
I knew it wouldn't fit
Wouldn't have got the cheese if
I knew it wouldn't fit
Wouldn't have got the peppers if
I knew they wouldn't-
Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like
Half of it like, half of it
Like, half of it like, half of it right now
I think it's time I, think it's time
That we break it down

Ooh woah, woah
Balalalalala

(Put the lotion in the basket)
I can sit here and pretend
Like my biggest problems are
Pringle cans, and burritos
The truth is my biggest problem's
You I want to please, you
But, I want to stay true to myself
I want to give you the
Night out that you deserve
But, I want to say what I think and
Not care what you think about it
A part of me loves you, part of me hates you
Part of me needs you part of me fears you
And I don't think that I
Can handle this right now
Handle this right now I don't think that
I can handle this right now
I don't think that I can handle this right-
I don't think that I can handle this right-
I don't think that I can handle this right-
Look at them they're just staring at me, like
"Come and watch the skinny kid with a
Steadily declining mental health
And laugh as he attempts
To give you what he cannot give himself"
Think that I can handle this right
I don't think that I can handle this right
They don't even know the half of this right
They don't even know the half of it
But, I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy
I put on a silly show
I should probably just shut up and do my job
So here I go

Wouldn't have got the lettuce if
I knew it wouldn't fit
Wouldn't have got the cheese if
I knew it wouldn't fit
Wouldn't have got the peppers if
I knew they wouldn't fit
Wouldn't have got half
You can tell them anything if
You just make it funny, make it rhyme
And if they still don't understand you
Then you run it one more time
Think that I can handle this right Haa
Handle this right Ho handle this right
You don't even know the half
Of this right now right now (Haa)
Now handle this right
I'll handle this right I
Handle this right now

Thank you good night
I hope you're happy