Bo Burnham - Channel 5 News: The Musical (Studio) lyrics

Tonight at 10 the world is ending again
And we know why and when so you better watch
We got a bit with some feminist chick
And also a picture of a starlet's crotch
Two people died, a double homicide
Their bodies found inside of a wishing well
And we tackle the flaws
In these obesity laws
In this segment that's sponsored
By Taco Bell

We've got violence, danger, sex and drugs
And it's awesome 'cause all of it's real!
We do the illusion of news
And while you think you're choosing
The views that you feel

All of this and more and live
Only on the Channel 5 News (News)
Only on the Channel 5 (News)
Only on the Channel 5 (News)
Channel-channel 5, cha-cha-cha-channel 5
Channel 5 only-only on the Channel 5 (News)
Only-only

We've got Chip Walker, live at the scene
With breaking news! Chip are you there?

Chip Walker here am I coming in clear?
I'm standing near to the scene of the crime
This Iraqi guy's shop
Seemed a newsworthy spot
So we've been gathering shots here
For quite some time today, real fast
The owner's daughter passed
We grabbed a shot of her ass
While the owner was near
Then he struck my chest
And now he's under arrest
And now you people have one less man to fear

This family's angry, crying, sad and lost
And it's awesome, 'cause all of it's real
I do the illusion of news
And while you think you're choosing
The views that you feel

More as this develops live
Only on the Channel 5 News (News)
Only on the Channel 5 (News)
Only on the Channel 5 (News)

We go now to Max Stevens with
The weather for the weekend (Channel 5)
What are we looking at here, Max
Umbrellas or picnic baskets?
(Only on the Channel 5 News) max?
(Only on the Channel 5 News) max?!

We're experiencing technical
Difficulties, please, stand by
Please stand- please stan- by
Please stand- please-
Please- please stand by
Please stand- please-please, stand-
Please-please, stand-
Please-please, stand-by

Alright, we got a signal, cut to Max

Good evening, hi it's your weather guy
I advise you to buy another lightning rod
We didn't catch this impending disaster
Maybe it's natural, maybe it's God
The sliding mud the incoming flood
Will never wash the blood
From my greedy old hands
This job was fun, I had a pretty good run
But, I've never been one to
Give in to demands

The people are angry, crying, sad and lost
And it's awful 'cause all of it's real
We do the illusion of news
And while you think you're choosing
The views that you feel

All of this and more and live
Only on the Channel 5-
Only on the Channel 5- only-only-on-
We're back (News)
Only on the Channel 5 (News)
Only on the Channel 5 (News)
Channel-channel 5, cha-cha-cha-channel 5
Channel 5 only-only on the Channel 5 (News)
Only-only

It's only on the Channel 5 news
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Only on the Channel 5 (Blah blah blah)
(Blah blah blah blah) only on the Channel 5
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(Blah blah blah blah) only on the Channel 5
(Blah blah blah, Blah blah blah blah)
It's only on the Channel 5 (News)
(Blah blah blah, Blah blah blah blah)
Only on the Channel 5 (News)
(Blah blah blah, Blah blah blah blah)
Only on the Channel 5 (News)
(Blah blah blah, Blah blah blah blah)
Channel 5 (Blah blah blah)
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Only on the Channel 5 (News)
(Blah blah blah, Blah blah blah blah)