Bo Burnham - Channel 5: The Musical lyrics

Tonight at 10 the world is ending again
And we know why and when so you better watch
We got a bit with some feminist chick
And also a picture of a starlet's crotch!
Two people died, a double homicide
Their bodies found inside of a wishing well
And we tackle the flaws
In these obesity laws
In this segment that's sponsored
By Taco Bell

We've got violence, danger, sex, and drugs
And it's awesome cause all of it's real!
We do the illusion of news and while
You think you're choosing the views
That you feel all of this and more and live
Only on the Channel 5 News!
Only on the Channel 5 News!

We've got Chip Walker, live at the scene
With breaking news! Chip are you there?

Chip Walker here
Am I coming in clear? I'm standing near
To the scene of the crime
This Iraqi guy's shop
Seemed a newsworthy spot
So we've been gathering shots here
For quite some time today, real fast
The owner's daughter passed
We grabbed a shot of her ass
While the owner was near
Then he struck my chest
And now he's under arrest
And now you people have one less man to fear

This family's angry, crying, sad, and lost
And it's awesome, cause all of it's real!
I do the illusion of news and while you
Think you're choosing the views that you feel
More as this develops live
Only on the Channel 5 News!

We go now to Max Stevens
With the weather for the weekend
What are we looking at here
Max: umbrellas or picnic baskets? Max? Max?!
We're experiencing technical
Difficulties, please, stand by
Alright, we got a signal cut to Max

Good evening, hi
It's your weather guy i advise you to buy
Another lightning rod we didn't catch
This impending disaster
Maybe it's natural, maybe it's God
The sliding mud the incoming flood
Will never wash the blood
From my greedy old hands!
This job was fun, I had a pretty good run
But, I've never been one to
Give in to demands!
People are angry, crying, sad, and lost
And it's awful cause all of it's real!
We do the illusion of news and while you
Think you're choosing the views that you feel
All of this and more and live
Only on the Channel 5-
Only on the Channel 5- only-only-on-
We're back