Bo Burnham - Intro (what. ) lyrics

This is Bo Burnham he is 22
Years old, he's a male
And he looks like the genetic
Product of a giraffe
Having sex with Ellen DeGeneres he has a
Gigantic head and tiny nipples
He's isolated himself over
The last five years in pursuit of
Comedy and, in doing so, has lost
Touch with reality you're an asshole
Bo you hear me? You think
You know better than
Me you think you know better
Than everybody you will die
Alone, and you will deserve it
But in the meantime
You might as well tell those silly jokes
Of yours see if that helps

Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo!
Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo!

You used to do comedy when
You felt like being funny
But now, you're contractually obligated
So dance, you fucking monkey
Dance, monkey, dance! Welcome to the show
This is Bo, this is his show
And Bo likes to dance like this
Welcome to the show
This is Bo, this is his show
And Bo takes off his pants like this
Play an invisible drum
Play an invisible trumpet (Trumpet sound)
Drink some invisible water
Oh shit, that water's real!

Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
(Random voice)
Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
So sit back, relax, and enjoy
A healthy dose of
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
Lick your lips to make it more comforting

Do you want to see a magic trick?
Do you want to see a magic trick?
Do you want to see a magic trick?
Then pick a card, any card psych!

Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
Magic isn't real or is it?

And at that moment
Bo's 20-year old cynicism melted into
Childlike wonder he never knew
There could be so much magic in the world
It's a world of possibilities
Bo what do you want to do first?
Run? yeah, sure you can run
Fly? Well, yeah, you can fly
What? What are you What the fuck are
You doing? What the fuck are you
Doing? Stop s Stop it the fu
You fucking idiot stop stop stop anyways
In the distance, Bo saw a beautiful fairy
A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud
About being called one in high school
He then came across an old bridge
With a troll standing guard
Bo knew that he'd have to answer
A riddle to get by the troll spoke thus:
"Alright, for the last time, man: I'm
Not a troll, I'm homeless okay, do you have
Any spare change? Okay, that's a used napkin
I don't want that no, no stop
Just You know what? Leave just leave please
Leave" and then
As Bo arrived on the other side of the stage
He saw a unicorn, with five horns
Right in front of him
And the penta-corn spoke thus "Hello, Bo
I've been looking for you for
Quite a long ti "
(Gunshots, Reloads Gun, More Gunshots)
He was safe for now but the
Dark thoughts would soon return

(It's Godzilla, Godzilla Shrieking)
(Screaming, Buildings Crashing)

It's so hard to be a lizard
It's hard to be a lizard
(What did we do God? What did we do
He killed my wife) tiny arms, itchy gizzards
("That monster killed my wife!
Why is he singing!?")
It's hard to be a lizard
(He's a monster, Why!?)
But, it's harder to segue

Is he skiing? Or is he in a gay porn?
Is he skiing? What? Or is he in a gay porn?
Is he skiing? Huh? Or is he in a gay porn?
Here's a hint (spit's into hand)
He's in a gay porn

Okay Bo
This miming shit is getting pretty annoying
So give them the real thing

My voice is so fucking natural
It's naturally good
(Voice cracks) naturally good naturally good

This is the end of the song
At the beginning of the show
Welcome to the show!

That lizard part was pretty fucking stupid
We're uh- recording part of the CD tonight
And yeah, good to start off with
8 minutes of mime jokes, for the CD
I want to start off with
A joke for the fellas
I don't feel like I connect with
My men in the audience
As well as I do with my, uh
Prepubescent girls
Where my fellas at!? Fellas!? Yo fellas
Don't you hate it when you're
Sucking a guy's dick
And he ends up being a faggot? Am I right?
These fucking faggots with their tasty dicks
Alright, um-
If you'd like to leave during the show
The exit signs are marked clearly in red
Sort of an orangish, reddish, fiery red
So we'll be fucked if we need them
But we can see them now!
Um, this show is called "what"
And I hope there's some surprises-

Oh

He meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But, you all thought it was an accident
But he meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah art is a lie
NOTHING IS REAL

So, it's called "what" and uh, it's about
Hey, cool it

He meant to knock the water over
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But, you all thought it was an acc-

Take it off repeat, it won't
This is the good thing we can edit all this
In the actual CD recor-

He meant to play the track again
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But, you all thought it was an accident
But he meant to play the water track a-
Gain, gain, gain art's still a lie
Nothing's still real

What's the deal with segues? Uh, food jokes
Let's do some food jokes
How you guys doing in the nosebleeds?
Up-top? Yes, the nosebleeds
Where the cocaine is done
I had a hot dog for breakfast
In Madison actually this morning
Yeah, afterwards I felt like this
(Picks up stool and swings it around)
Because I couldn't control my stools
Alright, Jesus for the people listening
I moved the stool around a
Lot this is going to get difficult but
I'm glad you like poop
Based puns they'll be a majority
Of the show never waste
A moment! Every moment could become
A comedy moment! See, thank you so much
I um-