Bo Burnham - Out of the Abyss lyrics

How old are you, buddy? (14)
14? Is this your mother beside you?
(mumbling) this is getting awkward isn't it?
Well your mother's very cool your mother's
Very cool for bringing you remember that
Remember when you get old and grey
And- and she was cool she brought
You to a comedy show
I have trouble getting along with my father
He's such a man's man you know
He lives his life by all these rules
That I can't possibly live by
Like he believes you should always
Fight fire with fire
Which is a horrible way to live your life
Well cause he's a firefighter
And he was fired whoops, that was stupid
Let's get a little stupider

There's a creepy old man fishing in the park
And the only problem is
He tied a candy bar to the end of his line
He's trying to catch a kid

Haha, haha for those listening on the CD
I mimed like I was catching the 14
Year old I was just talking to
Mom isn't happy, just guessing
Not even looking, alright
You know, people complain about the
Way I act on stage
They think I repeat jokes and they think-
They don't get that the way I act on stage
Is just that, it's an act you know
They think on stage i act too arrogant, too
Self-obsessed, solipsistic, self-contained
Synonyms and they want me to be-
They want me to be more
A comic to the people
Relate to the beautiful people
In this room in the
Overarching glue of comedy
So let's do a little but
Of uh relatable comedy i'm like you guys
Once a week I like to
Slip into a deep existential
Depression and where I lose all my
Sense of oneness and self worth, haha!
And what I like to do in
Order to assure myself that
I am unique, and I'm not
Just one of many small
White indistinguishable perfectly cylindric
Checker pieces in
Jesus and Satan's backgammon game
Is I will- guys
I'll try to say a group of words
In a certain order that I
Think no one has ever said them before, so
When I'm saying them it's like"Look at me
Participating in this new moment
That no one has
Ever participated in" and I feel like I'm
Preceding out of the abyss so
I'll say something random
That no one's ever said
Like "peanut butter tribadism
" or "I'm your father and I
Loved your comedy show, " or "At first I
Didn't feel comfortable leaving
Him alone with my child, but
Then I saw his mustache, phew"
Or, uh, or, uh
"Did you see this Amish website?"
Or "Hey yo baby my life's about three things
Three simple things, gettin'
Money, gettin' pussy
And the Dewey decimal system" or um
"Hey can you hold my fanny pack?
I'm gonna go fuck a woman"
You just don't hear 'em
(Cheers from the audience)
I'm giving you attention, girl that's wooing
Are you happy now? (I love you)
You love me, that's nice you
Love the idea of me
You don't know me but that's okay
It's called a parasocial relationship
It goes one way and it's
Ultimately destructive but please
Keep buying all my shit forever
That's how it works capitalism, I'm trapped
It's terrible, I'm a horrible person
Alright