Bo Burnham - Poems lyrics

I believe there is nothing more
Manly one can do than
Take a shower with five other guys it's true
It's not a joke, it's early cavemen
You know cro-Magnon wandering
Through the fog, you know
Scrubbing five other sapiens, no homo

I wanna do a poem for
You, some poems for you
Right now i've got the chimes: Chime plays
Ooh, a genie just came! Alright, um

Now that we're a little
Halfway through the show, i'd sorta
Like to take the pressure
Off you, the audience
And just read some serious poetry
Then we'll kinda go
Back to the giggles this is from my book
"Egghead", that some of you may
Already have, or, something
So I won't keep it too long, in case, you
Know, some of you have heard this stuff, but
Uh just sit back and enjoy, uh, this, uh
Poetry

"Roses are gray
Violets are a different shade of gray
Let's go chase cars" that's by a dog
Chimes play

This is a poem about women's bodies, and
The ability to transform your body issues
And transcend them:
"Martha was ugly, like a shaven baboon
So she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon
And after a week, she finally emerged
She smelled like shit what a psycho"
Chimes play you can't transcend them
I guess that's the moral

"Me, with my strange choice of adjectives
You, with your muscular teeth
And clockwise vagina" chimes play

"You're incomparable, like a
Yeah, that's the word" chimes play

"I wanna beat you to death
With a blunt object i wanna grab one of
Those high-end fashion mannequins
By the ankles and bash your ribcage in
I wanna sharpen 50 pencils, bind
Them with a rubber band
Stick the lead end in your
Mouth and punch the erasers
I wanna strap you to a bed of nails
Then strap that bed of nails to the hood
Of my car so I can watch you
Suffer as we drive over speed bumps in
A mall parking lot during an earthquake
I want you to somehow survive a
Terrible car crash and somehow not
Survive a small fender-bender on the
Way back from the hospital" chimes play
That's called "Dad"

"If I had a million dollars
I'd pay your mother to have sex with me
Afterwards, probably I'd invest in
The remaining $999, 990"
Chimes play
$10 for sex with your mother! Comedy!

I can see the light in your
Face, bitch! Stop texting! Um
It's just a comment for someone in
The crowd it's your time
Do what you want and
The texting won't show on the CD, so
That's okay now look what I've done

And finally
"Mid-October, with leaves spilled like
Colored pencil shavings
The streets dicing our town into neat
Unfair portions
And me, eatin' that pussy, baby" chimes play
Thank you so mu
Oh, man, thank you guys so much
Thank you for
Being a part of this, coming to the show, uh
Audience member cheers
I just need one person's enthusiasm
That's all I need to carry me
Audience member cheers
"Oh, ow! I'm turned on and hurt!"
Um, I, so, I am so
Grateful to you coming here, i know I keep
Saying that, it sounds redundant, but, uh, my
Gratefulness is redundant, so, um, but, uh