Central Park Cast, Stanley Tucci, Daveed Diggs, John Early - TOSGANO lyrics

It's very rare that I have
To recommend a TOSGANO

What's a TOSGANO?

That's my little acronym

What's it stand for?

This one sucks, get a new one

(sung)
You've got a dog, but the situation's hairy
And by that, I mean naughty
And it's getting pretty scary
It don't act like a pet, no
This is a TOSGANO
Let me spell it out for you
It's T-O-S-G-A-N-O

This one sucks, get a new one

It sucks, it sucks so friggin' much
It sucks so friggin' much

This one sucks, get a new one

I can't get rid of it fast enough
I can't get rid of it fast enough

(spoken) you don't need a license to
Be a pet therapist, do you?

No, ma'am

So, under what circumstances would
You recommend a TOSGANO?

Is it like, is it like if
It pees wherever it please, s? Eh
Won't get a job and watches
Too much TV? Uh uh
What if it gives you a dumb
Blank stare? Nope
Or flashes his lipstick out of nowhere?

That does suck, but it's not enough
For a TOSGANO guarantee
An H-A-B is what you need

Another acronym?

Yes

Which stands for?

"Hazardous Antisocial Behavior"

Which means?

Biting, but Shampagne's never bitten anyone
Right?

Hmm this therapist's breath is stinkin'
Like a dirty dog, but it's got me thinkin'
There's a plan cooking in my Helen melon
That could be fruitful
How to get rid of that shitzadoodle
All my dreams will come to pass
If I can get Shampagne to bite Bit'sy's ass

Oh my God, my puppy's growling at me
And it's got me yellin'
Who's gonna save me? Helen!

This one sucks, get a new one

It sucks, it sucks so friggin' much
It sucks so friggin' much

This one sucks, get a new one

I can't get rid of it fast enough
I can't get rid of it fast enough hehehe

Why are you laughing? Is it
Because of my job?

Yes, let's say yes