Freshy Kanal, Psytube, Mix Williams, Bblackroses, Snakebite126, UBERocity, LittleFlecks, Freeced - Frodo Baggins vs. Ancient Egyptians lyrics

Part I

A long time ago
Frodo Baggins slowly trotted
Across the Sahara
As the sand wove it's glistening
Waves over the barren landscape
It intended to rid himself of the one
Ring by hurling it inside the volcano
But on the way, a thought had struck his mind
The Egyptians had invented the ring
So he believed and so he devised a plan
He would bargain the ring back to
Where it originally originally came from
In hopes that someone would dare
To carry his burden
He first came across King Ramses I I
Who didn't seem too pleased
About Frodo's presence
Who dares look upon King Ramses
During his daily rapping study?


Oh I just wanted to inquire about, uh-
Shut the fuck up, you peasant
Beat me in a rap battle first
And only if you win, i may hear you out
Should you be worth my time

Nobody as great came before me (Glory)
But I should call you Ra, cuz you bore me
(Snoring) like my farmers
You'll be begging me for more beef (Corny)
Take my chariot warriors and crush
Your hairy ass horse feet
You trample in my temple
To my land my reign is central
You got three dwarves, a grandpa
And you act like the Avengers Assembled
I'll make your throat burn like
A roasted Adam's apple
I expand land on my camels
You fall off the fucking saddle
Yes, I battled in Kadesh
And now I'll kill you in your cottage
Then I'll take your little hobbit's and
I'll send them to the prophets
You better know where your God is
Before my plagues hit your poor lord
I leave more doors crossed while
You're crossing into Mordor

Excuse me! Your rhythm is so damn off
You're late on this track, call you Gandalf
Man, let's be real all your people are hungry
I got the fam in the back
You got a famine in your country
It's Frodo going solo on this bozo
You got no hope
Don't go toe-to hairy-toe with
This smoke-toting GOAT, though
I'll call you your farmers
Cuz you got no hoes
No joke, I'm the pro when I roast foes
I got the know to grow flows
And I'm smoking you loads
Like when Moses hit you with a 360 no-scope
Your corpse is looking bare
I have something to improve it
You'd like it Ramses
It's got a nice ring to it
It can take any foe you
Request out of your way

I don't want your silly ring okay
But I do know somebody who
Might take your stupid, shitty
No bitches ring
Maybe ask King Tut inside that weird
Triangle thing in the desert

Part I I

And so Frodo took his stupid, little, shitty
No bitches ring to the weird
Triangle thing in the desert
There, he met King Tutankhamun
Who didn't seem too pleased
About Frodo's presence

Brrat, brrat, brrat!
It's the return of the King Tut
Preserved from the crown down to deez nuts
Don't try to stroll into Giza
I'll split you in half like a tree trunk
I slaughter every archaeologist
Who wanders and pops open my sarcophagus
Even in death you won't meet one
As fresh as Tutankhamen is
At eight years old they crowned me
On the top of Heliopolis
And I was still standing taller
Than this Hobbit did in my empire
I've never seen such a wacky face
Even my harem would agree that
You have no game
You'd piss yourself before you'd
Ask out babes my palm trees are the only
Place you'd grasp a date
I'm stuck inside a museum but
I'm running the aisles
And now this little peasant here
Is crossing my style?
How was your pathetic past
You motherless child?
Your parents drowned in a river
But now you're stuck in denial

Do I really got to destroy this failure?
His speeches were so shit they
Wrapped him in toilet paper
I'm surprised you even remain intact
You're filled with more preservatives
Than a Big Mac your life has mattered? Your
Spine got fractured
Fuck Cairo, you need a chiropractor
You set up those traps? Well
Clearly I made it who let the Home Alone kid
On the Grave Shift?
Your country took a whiny kid and
Placed him off the highest cliff
But then he died at nineteen, dipped
Forgotten with your time and scripts
Barely inscribed in hieroglyphs
I'll scrap you like the Bible did
Only inside our minds to live
Because they found your tiny crypt
There's no human stopping me
You got so much gas, you're tooting commonly
Anyway, I wanna sell you this ring, bruh

I don't want your silly ring fUCK!
But I do know somebody who will be
Born in a couple centuries after me
Who might take your cringe-ass nae nae ring
Living inside that-that weird shack
Across the river

Part I I I

And so after thirteen centuries
Frodo arrived with his cringe-ass
Nae nae ring
At the weird shack across the river
There he met Queen Cleopatra
Who didn't seem too pleased
About Frodo's presence

Trying to touch my crown? You can't boss me
(Uh, huh)
So you better bow down like these palm leaves
(Uh, huh)
I put fools in their tombs, don't get cocky
(Uh, huh)
Unlike you and your jewels, I can drop heat
(Oh) i got kidnapped in a bedsack
You're so boring
You make kids nap in a bedsack
Make every guy kneel when I
Make noise with my bars
My milk bath brings all the boys to the yard
(Let's go) try to hold your composure when
All the Romans come over
I got a whole league of soldiers
You got a hole in your shoulder
Now I'm opposing this ogre
You're getting smoked 'til your toes hurt
So just keep loathing your own worth
So soft this froyo's a gogurt got loafs
But ain't got Fro dough in your pockets
(Yuh) lost your bro only to get
Trolled by that Gollum (Uh)
Save your jokes
You can never cope with your problems (Yo)
Your finger goes like this battle roast
Bitch you lost it!

I lost it? Please! You asked
Your brother to marry ya (Eugh)
Kept that bedroom in sweet home Alexandria
Who let Squidward near the eye shadow?
All your marriages fell apart
Like the Sphynx, ha, got your nose!
You're weak, Cle
You keep stealing from Caesar's Salary
I got beef, you just eat Caesar's Celery
You turned everybody around you into a snake
It's no surprise that's what made
You slither into your grave!
Now I shall be the sixth man
Who offers you a ring
But this time it's not for love
Just for the bling i know your hand is full
So I guess you gotta cram it

I don't want your silly ring gOD DAMMIT!

Part IV

And so Frodo Baggins wandered into
The desert once more but it was too much
After thirteen centuries of no food
The weak-ass pussy finally kicked
The Hobbit-sized bucket
But something unexpected happened
Instead of wandering into the afterlife
He was visited by the God of the dead anubis

Ayo, Frodo Baggins what?
I'm gonna grant you your greatest desire
Taking the ring oh
And I'm gonna bring you back
To the living world uh huh
Under one condition
You gotta defeat me in a rap battle
No, no, no, please not another one yuh
No, no!

Don't duel with Anubis
These puny endeavours are fruitless
The humans may foolishly count me as ruthless
The truth is, when I see
The cruelness in you
I choose not to excuse it
Selling the ring, I can see what you're doing
Deep down
You're scared that your heart will abuse it
Let's clear the confusion
Like statues in the room with Tutan
I'll leave you in ruins
I read hieroglyphs but I still can't decipher
How you'd bawl with the embalmer
You got wrapped up by a spider
Depended on your friendships ever since
You left The Shire yeah, he bails you outta
Fights, but with Sam, you're none the wiser
I'm not the type of dude to say
"Off with his head!"
Feed him with the dog with
A croc for his head
Look, even Sauron watches with dread
Scared of the terror his coffin
Begets and your followers left
Cynopolis still kneels down to me
Since the dawn of my myth spawned
Tied my name to the grave
Cuz they know the God of
The dead still lives on

This is bloody unfair!
If you have any decency whatsoever
You will summon my friends to help me
I shall accept those terms
What have you done to Master Frodo?
Yo, this is a 1v1, dawg rap

Frodo! Oh no! You must make this right, Sam
Get the will to fight and then
You'll strike Osiris' hype man
That's my plan
Sure to shorten your afterlife span
Like your uncle did your father
I'll be killing the mic (Damn)
You're the worst god in
Egypt since Creep Switch
Your tale got ripped by the Greeks
That's a reprint
Had a cult of believers, deceived
Then the Middle East left for Jesus
That's a repent
Who switched the look up? Anubis!
Ditched your lover for your mama
A new bitch!
I go hamly, spit sick like gangrene
Who killed your family? Its the Gamgee!

A righteous heart that's filled with anger
I know the pain that death brings
To ensure there comes no danger
I'll take up this goddamn ring

Fucking finally
Now Frodo will not die in vain
I beg of you, Anubis
Pleaser bring Frodo back to alive again

Sam? Master Frodo! You've come back
Again like Gandalf! He did what?!
Did somebody say Gandalf?
You shall not pass death twice!

And they all lived happily ever after
Except, Sam he died