KSG-15 - Pathetic lyrics

Ever wondered why everything is so
Messed up in your life
And everything is just wrong n you
Know you're reason for
It but don't know what to do

Real album starts now, this is Sujit speaking
King's dead for now, he is buried deep in
For years my mind was thrown so far deep end
Schizophrenia was so real we didn't pretend
Let's go deeper and think about
How did it start
What got me fucked up? What was that part?
Was it then? when I had
My head broken in park?
Or way before when boogey man took me in dark
Or
My mom said when I was baby
Barely three months
My father took me n ran
Away without any reason
She came n fought for me
As I was her sweet son
Got me back, man she didn't give up on me
Not once
Why am I still rude to her
When her kids are her life
I was throwing my life away
When nothing was right
I never knew what mother son
Connection is like
Still she'll protect me when I'm
Scared in the night

I know I was messed up
My mind was always crossed
I can't control my life
I need to take a pause
Arrogant, Ungrateful I'm ashamed of
Who I was
I beg for forgiveness
For all the pain that I've caused

So I'm a big boy now, I can walk n run
There's this doctor, he wants some fun
He said bring something from kitchen
Like bombs n guns
Then everything went black, I was lost n numb
Exposed to things which i
Never should have seen
It consumed my life, like dope To a fiend
Movies' adult scenes, cuties on the screen
Everything on my mind And Nudies in my dream
Lot for a child to go through all crap
If I go to past, man, I would just fall back
Save myself from the misery
And all that small trap
I wish I was a normal
Kid whatever you call that
Whatever happened to me, makes me do things
Makes me abuse myself, everything you think
Makes me cut, drink, punch, makes me shoot me
Sometimes I go n hurt people close to me
Suits me

I know I was messed up
My mind was always crossed
I can't control my life
I need to take a pause
Arrogant, Ungrateful I'm ashamed of
Who I was
I beg for forgiveness
For all the pain that I've caused

Lift my shirt, n you can see the stab bruises
All the back stabbing
Makes my life confusin'
Wouldn't be surprised
If someone adds new sets
Just Another betrayal in life of Mr. Sujit
Shit I always wonder why everyone leaves me
Everyone uses me, whenever they need me
I need some friends n no one believes me
Using n throwing people is it so easy?
Begged them to stay, with no self respect
Cuz I was scared to be
Alone in this darkest place
One more stab in my back and
This time I'm done for
Would have nothing to live for
Why I got this gun for
Boom headshot, headshot without scream
If I die right now this is
Bye bye to my dreams
I'm sorry for always saying
Things I never mean
Evil side has to die
I'm tired of who I've been

I know I was messed up
My mind was always crossed
I can't control my life
I need to take a pause
Arrogant, Ungrateful I'm ashamed of
Who I was
I beg for forgiveness
For all the pain that I've caused

I know I was never perfect. I know I've hurt
My friends, my family, my
Brothers, my sisters
My girlfriend too
How many times.... I know!
I know I was never okay
I know
I just
Shit
I'm sorry, I'm trying to change!