MC Frontalot, Jonathan Coulton - Diseases of Yore lyrics

Maybe you’ll never die
Maybe you’re going to live forever and ever

You don’t meet a lot of
People in emergency rooms
Who’ve got Anthracosis, Consumption
Or Womb Fever june Cleaver never suffered
She had the penicillin
No expiration when she mothered
Her no-good little death-proof brats
Living little ones once were
Preciouser than that
Living anybody used to be a miracle, yo
You’d get et by the festering hysterical flow
Of madnesses and bad diseases of mole
Lung, eye, and humor, spirit and soul
All these afflictions engender aversions:
I catch Green Sickness to
Match with the virgins
Scrofula coughs that I cast askance
Ever since Black Scurvy, I can’t wear pants
And I can’t but dance with glee
That it’s not then now
"I bet you got the Tarantism" – and how!
Maybe you’ll never die
Maybe you’re going to live forever
And never have anything wrong with you
And until you do you won’t worry about it
Cause you’re probably fine
Maybe you should pretend to
Forget to remember
The bullet that’s meant for you
'Til it’s overdue and it runs you through

I got Galloping Dropsy and
Cheese Washer's Lung
Leaves me with Asthenia, the Croup
And a dung heap of unbearably fetid excreta
From which I get re-infected
Nice to meetcha how about a hug?
I swear my Ichor is down
And I got over the Pestilence
It was intense i astound
The historians i’m Picardy Sweaty
Just ran out of leeches
(that I need, such as for bloodletting)
It’s upsetting! There, I’m upset!
Dose of French Distemper throbbing
Up in my head!
I don’t go into Bilious Flux just yet
But about to
Give out a shout to the Cholera doubt you
Could follow a charting of the
Manifold ways I’m ill:
Iliac Passion, Spelter's Chill
Weaver's Bottom, and a Melancholy Ache
If my fever doesn’t break
Raise a glass at the wake


Yea verily
Shouldn’t ought to put in the belly
Ague Cake with the Colloid Jelly
Now you come telling me check in the mind
That all of these infirmities
Combined define a
Time traveling hypochondria epidemic
(one I suffer under)
But on the other side of
The globe from affluence
The Death is still thriving thus
Contract thence