Meccah Dawn - The Cost of a Soul lyrics

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Today I pray for a miracle
And I ain't believe in God since I was
Nine and made it ten years old
Momma said I'd be a lost soul
'Cause, very young, my heart turned cold
I ain't know how to react to all
The shit that I was facin'
Man, half my life complacent
The other half erasin' memories of misery
Images of that basement where my
Daddy blew his brains out i'm ashamed now
Hey, lookin' in the mirror 'cause I
Never got the stain out
Imagine how I felt when it came out
That he was doin' things you
Shouldn't do to your daughter
Somebody please save me
I'm drownin' in muddy waters
Still havin' nightmares of those
Fuckin' news reporters
Been runnin' from my past, but it caught up
Now I'm caught up and thinkin' bout
Doing things I never thought of
Tryna make a fuckin' dollar with
Two nickels and a quarter
My dude say he love me but
My shit too out of order
Helpin' me to get my buzz back
We shootin' videos but all I can do is cry
'cause my sons missin' they brother
Been tryna clear my head
But there's too much going on
So I'd rather lie in bed
Wishin' that I would die instead
Please move
It's been so I won't have to strattle
It's an uphill battle
Gotta win the war myself
But it's a hard fight to fight
When the war's with yourself
Screaming out at my reflection
I don't need your fuckin' help
Got these walls for my protection
Closets for my transgressions
And I can barely close 'em
Too alright to keep compressin'
And give the war more without
The judgment and the cautions
But my shit be kinda deep
Sometimes I hide the message 'tween
The lines on these pages
Things you'll never hear or know
But these secrets startin' to kill me
Maybe I need to grow and get it all out
Fuckin' let the rivers flow
My mind's sayin' yes, my heart's sayin' no
If these demons get ahold of me
What if I lose control?
And mama dukes was right and I am a lost soul
Man, what if I lose control?
And mama dukes was right and I am a lost soul