Mel Brooks - The Inquisition lyrics

(spoken) all pay heed! Now enters
His holiness Torquemada
The Grand Inquisitor of
The Spanish Inquisition!
Torquemada do not employ him for compassion
Torquemada do not beg him for forgiveness
Torquemada do not ask him for mercy
Let's face it, you can't Torquemada anything!

(spoken)
Let all those who wish to confess their
Evil ways and accept and embrace the
True church convert now or forever burn in
Hell for now begins the Inquisition!
(Torquemada Slides down to the monks)

(sung) the Inquisition, let's begin
The Inquisition, look out sin
We have a mission to convert the Jews
(Jew ja Jew ja Jew ja Jews)
We're gonna teach them wrong from right
We're gonna help them see the light
And make an offer that they can't refuse
(that the Jews just can't refuse)

Confess (confess, confess) don't be boring
Say yes (say yes, say yes) don't be dull
A fact you're ignoring
It's better to lose your
Skullcap than your skull

Oy oy gevalt

The Inquisition, what a show
The Inquisition, here we go
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away
But the Inquisition's here and
It's here to stay the Inquisition, oh boy
The Inquisition, what a joy
The Inquisition, oy oy

I was sitting in a temple
I was minding my own business
I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass
Then these papus persons plunge in
And they throw me in a
Dungeon, and they shove a red
Hot poker up my ass is that considerate?
Is that polite?
And not a tube of Preparation H in sight

I'm sittin', flickin' chickens
And I'm looking through the pickins'
And suddenly these guys break down my walls
I didn't even know them
And they grabbed me by the scrotum
And they started playing ping
Pong with my balls oy, the agony
Ooh, the shame
To make my privates public for a game

The Inquisition, what a show
The Inquisition, here we go
We know you're wishing that we'd go away
But the Inquistion's here and it's here to -

- Hey, Torquemada, whaddaya say?

I just got back from the auto da-fé

Auto da-fé? What's an auto da-fé?

It's what you oughtn't to do
But you do anyway

Skit skat voodely vat tootin de day
Will you convert? No, no, no, no
Will you confess? No, no, no, no
Will you revert? No, no, no, no
Will you say yes? No, no, no, no
Now I ask in a nice
Way, I said pretty please, i bent their ears
Now I'll work on their knees!
(Whacks their knees with two mallets)

Hey, Torquemada, walk this way
We got a little game that
You might wanna play
So pull that handle, try your luck

(spoken)
Who knows, Torque you might win a buck!

(spoken) all right!

(Spins the wheel, get's three jews in a row
Like a slot machine)

(spoken) put it in the car

(whispered) in the car

(whispered) in the car

How we doing? Any converts today?

Not a one! Nay, nay, nay!

We've flattened their fingers
We've branded their buns nothing is working
Send in the nuns!

(The nuns walk in, a giant block rises and
The nuns partake in a swimming show
The jewish men go down a
Slide and are promptly
Drowned it ends with the nuns coming back
Up with lights on their head and it turns
Out to take the shape of a menorah)

The Inquisition, what a show
The Inquisition, here we go
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away
So, c'mon you Moslems and you Jews
We got big news for all of yous
You better change your point of views today
Cause the Inquisition's here and
It's here to stay