Richard Kind, John Mulaney - Christmas Tips lyrics

(Hello, Robbie) hello

Welcome home, Mr and Mrs
What is this? I'll tell you, this is
Just a package I’ve been holding
It's addressed to Mrs goldstein
What a co-op, what a lobby
Every slob is acting snobby
But, you take a tip from Robbie
You should tip your doorman
The holidays are merry
All the secrets that I carry
Once slip of the lip is scary
'Cause tomorrow you’re not married

I open the door, give kids high fives
One, two, three
I open the door and I watch your lives
And the things you do so you better tip me
'Cause, I watch your lives

Take a look at last year's tipping
Many tenants were just skipping
Out of town without no tipping
So my lip I am unzipping
From 8D, golly gee, 20 dollars and some wine
But 6C, lousy, I've a secret, Mrs klein
There's a second Mrs klein
She is at least 29 she's 18, I'm being kind
What was going through his brain?
Next time when it's pouring rain
From this fella, no umbrella
Slip and fall, enjoy the sprain

I open the doors, give kids high fives
One, two, three
I open the doors and I watch your lives
Your private lives and I keep a journal

All I ever wanted was to be in the majors
Maybe play for the Yankees
Or be wealthy in general
But then my father, he got sick
And he’s doing better now
I should call him, it’s been weeks
But he's not good on the phone

Mr adams, Mrs eve
This is your gift, I do believe?
A tree planted in Tel Aviv?
For your marriage, I now grieve
You see only him and me know
Back when you were getting chemo
That nurse who was Filipino
Got knocked up with a bambino
And he shipped them off to Reno
And you should have tipped me better
Least 100 and a sweater
Make it cashmere, there’s a letter
From the nurse that would upset her

I open the door, give kids high fives
One, two, three
I open the door and I watch your lives
Your private lives co-op, cooperate with me