Shane Koyczan - Crush lyrics

I've been thinking about the word crush
And how you were my first
And how the worst thing
That could've happened, happened
When you and I were 10
And made to work together on a
Grade Five presentation about animals
I was so nervous

Without ever having met you I began
To reminisce about how you
Fell in love with me
It was your typical love story
"School is attacked by zombie dinosaurs
And shy kid saves the day"

I think about the way I
Was when I was younger
About how my hunger for acceptance
Drove me to cannibalise my fantasies
Of love and to loneliness


Believing everyone else would have to die
Just for you to love me

But in a role reversal I never expected
You fingertip drew halos around the
Heads of snow angels you saved me

Alone together in the back of a library
We studied each animal secret society
And learned the use of the collective noun
Example: A murder of crows
God knows it sounds ominous
But this is how I learned about community

We have names for the groupings that
Occur even in the open ocean
A battery of barracudas a shiver of sharks
A school of fish
And I pondered the philosophy
"Since barracudas and sharks
Are technically fish
Wouldn't the term "school of fish"
Encapsulate them as well?"

Wasn't long before you went on to tell me
That each term was, in some way, meant
To suggest the nature of each beast
A destruction of wildcats
A crash of rhinoceroses
This is not meant to say that each
Animal is considered in some way deadly
There are those that sound down right lovely
A murmuration of starlings
A kindle of kittens an exaltation of larks

Some are meant to sound
Industrious or prestigious
A parliament of owls a labour of moles

But, I feel for the outcasts
A smack of jellyfish
An implausibility of wildebeests
An apology of Canadians

You loved the classification "A
Cowardice of curs"
Believed this is where the
Term "underdog" stems from
That sometimes we become more than the
Definitions that are thrust upon us
That we can bite back
That "a pack of wolves" is
Apart of our ancestry
And the moment we embrace our history
We become a new destiny
We can rewrite our legacy
Because we are a storytelling of ravens

I began applying this concept
To my life that
Arriving to the conclusion that dickheads
Congregate in groups
And I cannot describe the solemn pride
That was mine when I arrived home
With a report card that read
"Shane does not work well in groups"
I told you this, and we both laughed
And maybe it was my happiness
That gave me away
Betrayed my position to the
Three boys who'd made
A hobby out of making me cry
I still remember the impact from when they
Pushed me over in my chair and you
You could've just sat there
I wouldn't have been angry
But instead you decided to
Teach me that assholes, come in bunches

I learned this fact to the
Back of that library
You helped me up off of the ground
Then turned around to tell my attackers
"You guys are a bunch of assholes"
We were 10

If you ever want to know how
It feels to be saved
Just let someone save you
Let someone rescue the smile
Drowning inside you
It's not too late, I swear
See, I once hid my heart inside of a hat
And pulled out a rabbit that ran away
Just so I could say it was a vanishing act

Ta da!

But through you
I learned real magic is about
Making things comes back, i know
Because when a 10 year old girl can go
On to shock three bullies into silence
You know you have just determined your
Life long definition of beautiful
And all of the other wonderful
Instances in your existance
Will volunteer to dim their brilliance
So that throughout your life
This moment will shine brightest

You made the best snow angels
Laid them out in threes
Like paper dolls holding hands
And said it was because even two people
Can feel alone

I think of the time I
Would have destroyed the world
Just so I could be with you
I've grown up since then
I think often of a time when I placed a penny
On top of a penny
On top of a railroad track
And waited for a train to squish
One coin into the other
So that I could give you a 2 cent piece
Because you were scared one day they would
Raise the price of 1 cent candies

These are the ways I loved you

You were the only one to give
Me a card on valentine's day
Granted, you gave one to everyone
But hard to believe you gave
The best one to me
And the other boys were jealous
Of a small card
With a picture of a shark biting a heart
Saying, "I think you're jawesome!"

I wanted to draw you a card
Of a crab pinching a heart
Saying, "I think you're crabulous!"
My Grandad advised me against it
Citing that in my teens I would understand
Why that's not a good idea

And now every time I see a lone
Snow angel I think of you

So I offer you now a crush of hearts
A sacrifice of body parts laid upon
The alter of better times
When the lines inside of a
Colouring book were only suggestions, girl
Sometimes you gotta scribble
Gotta colour the sun purple
Just so you know what it feels
Like to be in charge
Sometimes you gotta love just a little
So you can finally start to live large

I offer you a lifetime of held breaths
A juggernaut of thank yous
A thimble of blues
Know who's who of by misuse
Because I am made up of memories
And these are the diamonds I keep polished
Just so I know what it's
Like to treasure something

I've been thinking about the word crush
And how you were my first
And how the worst thing
That could've happened, happened
When you turned 11, and moved away

Didn't even get to say goodbye
Because you moved in the Summer
And I returned to a school
Your absence echoed in my ears
For all the years I had left
To deal with what it feels like to be alone
I've grown up since then

But think often of the time when we were 10
When you made snow angels hold hands
Laid them down side by side and
I tied my definition of beauty
To your memory

We never even kissed
Cause you probably never knew
But goddamn, girl
I had the biggest crush on you