Shane Koyczan, The Short Story Long - When I Was a Kid lyrics

When I was a kid, I hid my heart under the
Bed because my mother said "If
You're not careful, someday
Someone's gonna break it"

Take it from me
Under the bed is not a good hiding
Spot i know because I've been shot
Down so many times I get altitude sickness
Just from standing up for myself

When I was a kid
I could fill a bookshelf with every different
Way they would tell me how
Not to play they'd say "It's time
To start putting childish things away"

And I was like, "Fuck you! This is Skeletor"
But more and more
They made me believe that our
Hearts are like door knocks


And that's where we get the sound of a beat

And I'll never get to meet
The man inside me if
I can't stand still long enough to be there
I'll never
Make it anywhere if I keep running away
I'll never know myself if all I ever do
Is play nikki-nikki-nine doors
Don't wanna be a man

When I was a kid, i wanted to be a man i
Wanted to register retirement savings plan
That'd keep me and candy long enough
To make old age sweet
I wanted two left feet so
I could dance circles
Around important issues until way
Past my bed time

I'm not saying I don't have opinions
Just that others were less likely
To argue if they were
As tired as I was, fatigued as to amen
What a good night kiss does to kids
It puts weights on our eyelids and returns us
To a place where reason and imagination
Lace together shoes who's tongues
Stick out at
Stillness and beckon us to move forward

As a kid, I was
Always drawn toward moonlight
Despite an armada of adults who insist I
Must set my days according to sunlight

I would lay in bed, and fight sleep
Believing if
I shut my eyes, even for an instant
I would miss out on something amazing

Turns out I was right i
Have seen stars stamped into
The night like cookie cutter designs
Drew lines in between each one
Inventing new constellations so that
When somebody asked
Me, "What's your sign?" I
Could point to mine
The one hanging over the first
Door past the finish line
And say "It's right there
The one marked exit"
Because one day all this getting
Ahead bullshit will be
Over, and people will start looking for me
And I'll be there

I'll wear my best flashing red and you
You will stand winner circle
Thorough-bred I will
Un-thread the screws that would
Put you throughout
This life, then smile and say, "You made it"

When I was a kid, I traded
In homework assignments for friendship
And gave my
Friends a late slip for never showing up
On time, and in most cases, not at all

I gave myself a hall pass to get through
Each broken promise and I remember this plan
Borne out of frustration from a kid
Who kept calling me "yogi"

Then pointed to my tummy and said
"too many picnic baskets" Turns out
It's not that hard to trick someone
And one day, before class
I said "yeah you can copy my homework"

And I gave him all the wrong
Answers that I'd written down the
Night before he got his paper back
Expecting a near perfect score
And couldn't believe it when
He looked across the
Room at me and held up a zero

I know I didn't have to hold
Up my paper of 28
30, but my satisfaction was complete when
He looked at me puzzled
And I thought to myself, "Smarter
Than the average bear, motherfucker"

When I was a kid
I slid love letters through the
Slots of lockers that belonged
To my secret crushes
Built paint brushes from the tiny hairs
That stood on end every time
I saw them my brain
Stem finally blooming with
Thoughts, I connected dots
And made masterpieces, each
Brush stroke a thesis dedicated
To the explanation
That you, not knowing who I was
Was only because anonymity made it
Easier to be brave

I dipped my brush into a tidal wave I hoped
That would one day wash over me i
Can guarantee, if you've ever
Had a secret admirer
It was someone very much like me
Who loved someone very much like you
It was someone who wanted to tell
You how much you meant, how every second we
Spent thinking of you was simply the cost
Of getting us through the hard times
We saved nickles and dimes hoping our first
Date would be with you so
With the disappoint of love, we gave up comic
Books and video games, I promise you
Every guy I've ever met remembers
The names of the ones they loved first
Then our thirst
For love continues, as we cross
The deserts of maybe
Believing we will find an oasis of yes

Acquiesce, yes we probably should
Have just said something
But we were chicken shit we let the fuses of
Our hearts explode every time
You walked on by

When I was a kid
I did stupid shit ripped the woman's
Underwear section out of the sears'
Christmas wish catalog
And blamed it on my granddad
He did end up covering for me
And had only this to say

"You're only twelve! So I'm impressed
But take it from experience
Don't hide that under your mattress" So I
Didn't i hid it in the
Empty box of a board game that
I never used to play

And on the day that my
Grandmother eventually found it
She reamed him out for hiding
Pornography in his grandson's bedroom

The impending doom of the truth set
Upon me like a dying
Sun sending it's last ray of
Light over the horizon
And aimed directly at me

He didn't say a word incurred the full
Wrath then laughed with me later
Saying "It's like your heart it doesn't
Matter where you hide it"

Lovers are like little kids lifting up
Rocks, looking for an insect
They will find that shit

When I was a kid, I trusted myself
Enough to know that one day, i'd be a man
One day I would have a childhood for a
Past and a future for a backup plan
That every gauntlet I've ever ran was
A potato sack race, in
Which time would chase me
Further towards an ending
I am bending myself back to the beginning
Reminding myself there's no winning any
Race against yourself, slow down

And when the kid in you falls, turn around
Pick them up, dust them off
Then continue trust me, you are gonna need
That kid you are gonna need someone
To remind you that every
Weed is a flower, just trying
To make shit work
That every jerk you ever encounter is
Just another someone who somehow forgot
That it's okay to need a hug
It's okay to be afraid

When I was a kid, I played hop-scotch with
The lines they drew in the sand
Landed on the conclusion that second hand
Clothes at least to the
Benefit of experience, and I've got one
Hundred and thirty seven hand heart, broken
Apart and stitched back together at the
Seams i've cartwheeled across balance beams
Made from the broken finger
Bones of people who
Could not let go of this life

I still love the night i love the fact
That if you squint your eyes just right
Stars look like porcupines of light
Stumbling across the
Dark dipping their quills into the night
Trying to write apologies for all
Of the unanswered wishes
From the times we once wished upon them

Sometimes, I still wish and most times
I wish I didn't have to i
Wish I didn't have to wish
So I guess what I'm saying is that I hope
I hope I never forget that
Kid who grew up inside me he just
Seemed to laugh a little bit louder, smile
Just little bit longer, loved a whole lot
Stronger, world's first official
Awesome monger, taking awesome
From door to door, "Take as much as
You need don't worry about me
I got more i've got a candy store filled with
Whatever it's gonna take to
Make tomorrow sweet"

I got two left feet and no bed time
I'm still not brave enough to have an
Orgy, but I rock the slumber party, come nap
With meFirst one to fall asleep loses
First one to fall asleep wins

The race stops at the start
And the finish line is
Where it begins so this time first one to
Lose wins i know we never meant to turn our
Hearts to garbage bins it was an accident

I know the headlines of us
Giving up were a misprint
And really just bad
Reporting i know we've been boarding up
The windows from the outside in
We've been doing it ever since
They told us to start
Letting things go, and I know we got
Into the habit of throwing everything away
But your heart is
A door knock and every time it beats
It's just
That kid's way of asking, "Can you please
Come out and play?"