Sun Kil Moon - Seventies TV Show Theme Song lyrics

I know this song sounds like
A 70's TV Show theme
Maybe because me and the guy who are
Playing it are 49 and 53
Maybe we watched a lot of Welcome Back
Kotter and maybe we watched a
Lot of Sanford and Son
Maybe we watched a lot of Three's Company
Or Family Ties or maybe a
Lot of Brady Bunch or whatever that
One was with the re-runs

Aw man, who didn't want to get
Down with Marsha Brady?
Suzanne Somers or Valerie Bertinelli
Or Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson
Or Jaclyn Smith
Nobody watched Charlie's Angels without
Having a favorite pick

All I know is this reminds of
The theme to Barney Miller
It wasn't intentional
Just adding a song on the record for filler
Maybe this song will cause you
To have a wet dream
Maybe this song will cause you to
Connect with an actual human being
And maybe you'll hear this song
When the sun is up
Maybe you'll hear it when you're
Down in the dumps
Maybe you'll hear it on a Spotify stream
Your girlfriend'll say, "Eww
You actually like this shit?"
Break it off with you and leave
Or maybe you've already turned this song off
Or maybe you're playing it and
Going, "Check this out, boss"
Maybe you can't relate to this song
Maybe you're a millennial and you don't
Know the references at all
Maybe you'll hear it and say
"I prefer your older songs"
Or maybe the world has changed and
I'm not that songwriter anymore

Sitting around, moping about the hardships
Of being twenty-four (being twenty-four)
I've heard old that stuff, that's great
And it's available at the Amazon store
(the Amazon store)
If you like those steel-string guitar sounds
And those old slow beats
(those old slow beats) that's cool
But be careful when you're
Walking across the street
(across the street)
With those headphones in those inner cities
(the inner city) a car might hit you
You might get mugged by a thief and
You'll wish that you had a clue
(you had a clue)
Or you might fall asleep playing
This album in the background
Thinking okay, this is a pretty nice sound
(pretty nice sound)
And then maybe by the time
It's about two or three (two or three)
You'll find yourself deep asleep
Having a trippy dream

Just back from LA where I recorded
Vocals to the "Seventies" track
You can tell I spent a really
Long time on the lyrics, right?
I spent months on those, thank you
Anyhow, it's a beautiful spring
Day in San Francisco
And just as I sat down to take a breath
I heard something crash in my hall
I walked over and part of
The ceiling fell off
And I was like, "Jesus fucking Christ
Can't I get a fucking break?"
So I texted my building manager
And she said a
Guy would be over to look at it
He came over to check it
Out and all of things
I ended up hiring him to redo my bathroom
I've been in the building
For twenty-two years and
It's time for some new scenery in there
I told him I wanted a
White tile with gray veins
My building manager warned me
That he was colorblind
So I pointed to a marble top
Stand that's gray and white
He said, "That's brown"
I said, "No, man, that's gray
You know? Like your hair, man gray"
He laughed and said, "Okay, okay"
I said, "Hey, I got a little gray too
I'm not picking on you but please
Just tell the guy at Home Depot gray
And let them pick the color"
Fingers crossed that he gets it right

It was a long weekend and I went to bed
And I just woke up from a long sleep
I dreamed I was invited
To Farrah Fawcett's house it was a big
Beautiful house somewhere in California
There were maybe ten people there
None of whom I knew though Farrah was older
She looked just liked she
Did in Charlie's Angels
And she was kind and a wonderful host
Her house was enormous with lots
Of glass and light
And a nice open living room
I took a walk outside and
All the land around our
House was rolling hills leading
To the Pacific Ocean
The land looked something like a cross
Between Monterey, Carmel, Big Sur
And Point Reyes
With beautiful orange flowers for
Days and days
The ocean was off in the distance a
Bit but I walked down there
And when I got the ocean
It wasn't the ocean anymore but a river
There were two couples fishing
Who didn't appear
To know what they were doing
One of the girls said she caught a fish
But was struggling to reel it in
I offered to help and she gave me the pull
And warned me that the gear had been rented
The line seemed like it
Was snagged on something as I was pulling
I noticed a small boat floating towards us
Holy fuck
Her hook was caught on a small boat
And I was reeling the boat in
I didn't know why I didn't
Think to cut the line
I guess it was sort of fun catching
A boat and everyone was laughing
When the boat finally got to the shore
It crashed fairly hard onto a dock
But not too hard
Of all things, a few people were inside
I entered the boat to discuss
The damage with them
They laughed and said not to worry about it
That the fishing pole probably took more
Of a beating than the boat
I thanked them and when I jumped off
The boat the girl looked petrified
I said, "Aw, god
I'm really sorry to tell you
This but the boat owners
Want to sue they said there's quite
A lot of damage in there
Many of their belongings as well
As the motor and
Some damage to the back of the boat"
She began sobbing and I
Immediately hugged her and
Said, "Nah, nah, I'm just kidding it's okay
There's no damage they're super nice people
And they even offered to
Give you a new fishing pole
If yours was damaged"
She said, "Aw, god, " she took
A deep breath, then she said
"Let's just get the fuck out of here"