The Boondocks, Joe Horne, Rodney Barnes, Aaron McGruder - Granddad's Fight lyrics

(Nigga Moment)
Nigga 1: Watch where you walking nigga
Nigga 2: A aye! What you say nigga?

(Huey) watch closely
You're about to experience a nigga moment
Webster defines the nigga moment as
A moment when ignorance
Overwhelms the mind of an
Otherwise logical negro male

(Back to Nigga Moment)
Nigga 1: What did you say bitch nigga?
Nigga 2: Aye, squeeze it nigga!
(Back to Huey)
Causing them to act in an illogical
Self-destructive manner, IE like a nigga
Nigga moments are un-predictable

(Back To Nigga Moment)
Nigga 2: Aye wait man wait, this is stupid


Nigga 1: Aye, you right dog, look
Let's put the guns away and
Go on about our business
Police: FREEZE! (gunshots)

(Back To Huey) but they all end up bad
If they had their own category
Nigga moments would be the 3rd leading
Killer of black men behind
Pork-chops and FEMA it's a fact

(Huey) now let's see
How a nigga moment affects a white man

(Nigga Moment) white Man: Ugh, Prick
Black Man: Watch where you walking, Bitch!
White Man: What did you-
Wait a minute, I'm White!
Black Man: Where you going! Don't ignore me!
This is a perfectly good moment
To throw your life away!

(Back to Huey)
A big misconception about the nigga moment
Is that it can be avoided by
Simply moving away from niggas
If only it were that easy
See, niggas always got a new
Trick right around the corner

Listen up boys, I’m about to sing the new
Shoe song new shoes, new shoes boy
Nike makes some good shoes hoo!

Ava Maria

Every nigga moment begins with the
Nigga without that key element
All you’re left with is
Peace and quiet colonel
H stinkmeaner is and always has been a
Cantankerous, ornery old man he spent his
Childhood disagreeing with most things
Especially things
Involving happiness, unity
And kindness stinkbeaner got
No pleasure seeing sunsets and trees
Dolphins or rainbows

Man, this some ol’ bullshit

So, he didn’t particularly mind
When at age 15, he lost his sight to cancer

At least I don’t have to look
At your ugly ass no more

Doctors gave him 3 years to live
So he dedicated those 3 years
To spreading a life
Time of misery and hatred
Nobody knows how Stinkbeaner
Managed to live so long he believed it was
His love of hatred that kept him going

Who in the hell parked in
My space? That’ like calling
1-800-COLLECT-AN-ASS WHOOPING! And no that
Ain’t no toll-free call, partna!

You hit my car! Are you blind? Yes…I…am! So?

Wait, you’re blind?

Yes…Blind! You got a problem with that nigga?

You could have killed somebody!

Eh, I’d be doing them a favor! Getting
Run over by me is as
Close to a honorable death as most
Of these people gonna get someday
I’m quite the humanitarian i think I hit
A wheelchair on the way here

Oh, look what you did to
Dorothy you better have insurance

Nigga! You better have insurance!
Ass-whooping insurance! And
You about to pay a deductible!

And just like that, my granddad was trapped
In a nigga moment at this point, he can
A) walk away and let
Insurance handle the car
And B) fight with a dumb, crazy, blind nigga
Let’s see which one he chooses

That’s right! I’m backed into
Your car nigga what
You gonna do? What you gonna do?

Oh hell naw! Granddad
Let’s whoop this nigga’s ass right now!

Bitch ass, faggot ass, punk ass, pussy ass
Bitch ass nigga!
You want to do something, bitch
Ass nigga? Hold up, i smell new shoes

I’ve said it before expensive
Sneakers are like
$150 land mines step on one
And boom! A perfectly rational
Black man can explode

Yeah! They ain’t new any more
Are they? Nigga!

Hit him granddad!

My bad knee! Oh
La dee la dee do my bad knee!

There goes all your pimp status!

This fight is over

I hate this damn song

I can’t believe you got your ass
Kicked by a blind man, granddad!

My knee went out! You know I got a bad knee

Bad knee! That nigga had bad eyes
He couldn’t see
Granddad! He beat you like a piñata! Yo
We can rent Granddad out
For Mexican birthday parties!
We can call him, Senor Piñata! Hola
Senor Pinata!

Stop it boy, stop it! Where’s my belt?

I must be blind too, cause I sure
Didn’t see that ass-whooping coming! Yo
How bad you got to time your punches for
A blind nigga to see you coming granddad?

Riley, the man obviously had a
Heightened sense of hearing!

Oh, I thought granddad had a
Heightened sense of falling!

Now that’s enough! Now you can stop laughing
At your granddaddy! It ain’t that
What’s wrong with you?

Yo, Granddad had "hit me" written
On his forehead in Braille!

I said, that’s enough!
What you gonna do, beat me? Maybe I
Should get a blindfold first! Okay
I’m ready
Wait! Maybe he gon’ fall on me granddad
Rodney King just called and said, "Damn
I thought I got my ass whooped!" ow!

One night, I dreamt of a blind
Swordsman he knows my every move
Yet he cannot see as my mind
Fights to make sense of the impossible
He is turning my sight into
A liability he has no just cause to want my
Life there is no forethought
No logic in his actions this isn’t just any
Swordsman this is the blind nigga samurai

What’s good, nigga! What’s really good!

Niggas a nigga moment isn’t necessarily
Over when you think it’s
Over it kind of hangs around
Like an unpaid bill

And in the case of the blind beating the
Dumb: security cameras from the
Woodcrest Square Mall
Captured a fight between a blind old man and
An unidentified assailant following
A parking dispute

It’s just local news

CNN has now confirmed that it was this man
Robert Jebediah freeman, who got beat up
By a significantly older
Significantly blinder gentleman police
Aren’t pressing
Charges against Mr freeman they
Say that ass-whooping was punishment enough
We at CNN agree

Granddad, I don’t think you
Should watch this anymore

Senor Pinada!

Granddad, you gotta ask yourself
Would you really be better off
If you were beating
Up a blind old man in the
Street? It was a nigga moment
Granddad you gotta let it go

Maybe you’re right

You have reached the Freeman
Residence if this
Is a lovely cutie pie, please
Leave a message everybody else just hang up
Right now because I’m not interested!

Hello Robert, pick up the phone
Pick up the phone, i know you there hiding i
Seen you on the news
Getting your black ass whooped by
That blind old monkey
That’s why they should have let
Niggas go shopping call me
Back don’t you walk away
From this answering machine!

Granddad just let it die! I promise you
Nobody’s gonna call you a punk

I will!

Well, Riley will granddad!

I can’t believe Granddad went back
To fight that man!

Here it goes! Oh!

Alright wait, watch! Here it goes! You ever
Notice whenever someone throws a chair
A brawl breaks out?

Aren’t you worried about Granddad?

Look…you want to see it again? I
Don’t think you even have to
Hit nobody with a chair! And niggas
Would still start wildin’ out!

Well, you don’t look hurt

Two weeks

Good for you! A rematch in two weeks!
This’ll be great! Hey we might
Be able to make some money off
This! The slugfest in Woodcrest! yeah!

You don’t understand, boy i have to do this

Follow me i want you to
See what you’re up against

Your enemy is San-Luigi
The blind swordsman his ears
Give him information
Than all your senses put together
If you underestimate him
He will kill you you must train

I won’t fail you i’m not afraid

Oh, you will be you will be

Eh, between me and you
Your granddady shouldn’t be too worried
Everybody knows niggas can’t fight

I’m sorry?

You heard me nigga
Niggas can’t fight they don’t
Possess the strength
Or character or the mental quickness
To be a great fighter that’s why
All the best fighters in the
World have always been white men jack
Dempsey, Rocky Marciano, Sylvester Stallone
And don’t forget ralph Machio name me one
Great black heavyweight
Fighter, name one, go ahead, try
Name one! See now you can’t do it what
What what? Oh
What? You want to pull Ali out of your
Ass? That’s what you thinking
About? Muhammed Ali?
Well if that nigga so tough then why
He didn’t go to Vietnam i tell
You why, cause he was
Scared, that’s why! Shit
No Vietnamese ever call me "nigga" I call
Him a nigga each time before I have breakfast
Now what he gonna do? Hold on
I’ll make it nice! Nigga!

I don’t understand why I’m blindfolded

Because, the enemy cannot see

But see, the thing is, I
Don’t have super hearing
So I don’t get why I’m

Fight!

Ow! Stop!

Word got out that my granddad
Was training for a rematch
And it quickly became the talk of the town

What was that? An exhibition? You
Need emotional content now, try again

Damn! That hurt! Damn it boy!

Everybody knows nigga climb trees
Not kick em!

Riley had the brilliant idea
To take advance orders
For the DVD release of the fight
And take a little action on the side he hired
A street team to create
The necessary hype the
Fight had a huge turnout
It seems like watching
Niggas act stupid is becoming
America’s favorite pastime

Ay listen up! Imma tell y’all one
More time! This fight ain’t starting
Until I get 10 dollars from all
Y’all ay you! Nah nigga
I didn’t get yours yet! Give me that!

That’s the difference between
Private nigga moments
And public nigga moments a private
Nigga moment shames you a public nigga
Moment shames the whole race

Oh this is it…I’m a kick some ass now

Granddad, the only way to win is not to fight

That’s right, robert no one’s gonna call
You a "fruityboy" or
A "pansy pants" if you don’t do this

I will

Right well, Riley will

You scared? yeah, you scared
Ain’t you bitch nigga?
I can smell the bitch in you! Ooh
That’s vintage bitch! You must
Have alzheimer’s old man!
You already forgot that ass whooping! Uh oh!

And as I watched Stinkbeaner move
Blindly around the arena, i
Had a terrifying realization: he
Wasn’t a trained swordsman
And he didn’t have super hearing
He was a blind old man who had gotten
Lucky granddad! Wait no, stop!

You know
We could all be reading a book right now

Dang, Granddad you didn’t have to kill him!

And so, granddad emerged from the
Nigga moment victorious

Congratulations, Robert! I told
You that nigga
Couldn’t fight! Whoo! Good going

Give me my money back! I want my money now!

Niggas

As he contemplated spending the remainder of
His natural life in prison
Granddad never stopped to realize that he had
Gotten the respect he so desperately wanted

Yo that mug killed a blind old
Man with his bare hands!

Now that’s gangsta

Robert Jebediah Freeman?

Tom and I had gotten a fight license by
The state boxing commission at
The last minute
Legally indemnifying against Stinkbeaner’s
Death but he was still pretty
Shook up the whole thing
Colonel Stinkbeaner had no
Family and no friends he lived
A life without love
And companionship or even pets he was a
Horrible, awful human being and in truth
The world
Was better off with him dead still
He was our brother

Forgive us for taking this man’s life

Why you say us? You killed him

Shut your ass and pray, boy