Tim Minchin, Original Broadway Cast of Matilda, Jack Broderick, Lauren Ward, Bertie Carvel - Bruce (Broadway) lyrics

Bruce Bogtrotter

Yes, miss?

You liked my cake, didn't you, Bruce?

Yes, Miss Trunchbull! And I'm very sorry –

Oh, no, no, no, no
No as long as you enjoyed the
Cake that's the main thing

Is it?

Yes! Bogtrotter, it is

Oh well, I did thank you

Wonderful marvelous that makes me so
Happy it gives me
A warm glow in my lower intestine oh, cook?

What's the matter
Bogtrotter? Lost your appetite?

Well, yes i'm full

Oh, no
You are not "full" i'll tell you when
You are full and I say that
Criminals like you are not full until
You have eaten the entire cake

But –

No "buts" you haven't got time for "but" eat

But, I can't eat it all!

Headmistress, he'll be sick!

He should have thought of that
Before he made a
Pact with Satan and decided to steal my cake!
Now, eat!

(SUNG)

He can't!

Eat!

He surely can't!

Eat!

He might explode!

Eat!

A single slice or even two, Bruce
Might have been nice but even you, Bruce
Have to admit between you and it
There's not a lot of difference in size

He can't! (He can! Bruce) he surely can't!
He surely can't! (You are the man, Bruce)
He might explode! (He's quite elastic)
He's going to blow! Make him stop!
(He's fantastic! Look at him go)
I can't watch!

I think in effect this must confirm, Bruce
What we all suspected you have a worm
Bruce! Or maybe your largeness
Is like the TARDIS:
Considerably roomier inside

He can't! (He can) he surely can't!
He surely can't! (You are the man, Bruce)
B-R-O-O-C-E!

Bruce!
You'll never again be subject to abuse
For your immense caboose
She'll call a truce, Bruce
With every swallow
You are tightening the noose
We never thought it was possible
But here it is, coming true:
We can have our cake and eat it too!

The time has come to put
That tumbly tum to use no excuse, Bruce
Let out your belt i think
You'll want your trousers loose

Oh – stuff it in
(Bruce) You're almost finished (Bruce)
You'll fit it in
Whatever you do, just don't give in
Don't let her win
Come on, Bruce, be our hero
Cover yourself in chocolate glory!

(SPOKEN)

It's too much! It's just too much!

(Whispered) Go on, Bruce do it

Silence!

(SUNG)

Oh – bruce!
You'll never again be subject to
Abuse for your immense caboose
She'll call a truce, Bruce
Just one more bite and you'll've
Completely cooked her goose
We never thought it was possible
But here it is, coming true:
We can have our cake and eat it –

Ah ah-aah ah ah ah-aah ah
Ah ah-aah ah ah ah-aah ah