Tim Minchin, Mark Watson - Greed (Balsa Wood and Glue) lyrics

When I was a young chap
Just a little bouncing boy
My family was not wealthy so I had to make do
With secondhand pyjamas and a
Single wooden toy:
A dinosaur my daddy made with
Balsa wood and glue

But when I turned thirteen and to
High school off I trotted
I knew immediately that my dino wouldn't do
'Cause, I had noticed all the toys
The other boys had gotted
And I couldn't help myself, I wished
That I had got them, too

My daddy made a dinosaur with
Balsa wood and glue
But before too long I knew
That my dino wouldn't do
When I was fifteen years old
I first turned to thieving
To satiate my craving to have
Things the other kids had
I stole a gnarly skateboard from
A skateboard shop one evening
It had bodacious fluoro railing and
A wicked fluoro skidpad

By the following Monday morning
The skateboardin' turned to boredom
My appetite for skating was
Abating in a flash
So I sold my board and bought a
Pair of flippers and a snorkel
But soon I borked at snorkelling
Forked my snorkel in the trash

My daddy made a dinosaur with
Balsa wood and glue
But before too long I knew
That my dino wouldn't do

At eighteen I managed hedge funds and
Got fat by drinking beer
At twenty I owned seven cars
And houses on the coast
I fell in love at twenty-three with
A Swedish girl called Mia
I bought a 200-quid toaster
With which Mia made me toast

At twenty-eight I went through, like
A Buddhist kind of thing
And decided that the material world
And I were through
I hooked up with some Buddhist chicks
Who said that they were twins
But they didn't look that similar
And they did stuff twins don't do

My daddy made a dinosaur with
Balsa wood and glue
But before too long I knew
That my dino wouldn't do
But now I'm forty-seven stone
And thirty-one years old
I have a kitchen staff of twelve
On call twenty-four hours a day
And a Page Three girl I pay
To lick chocolate from my folds
And a rent boy called Llywelyn
Though I'm neither Welsh nor gay

Now to those who judge my lifestyle
To be gluttonous and brash
And criticize my excess
Acquisition and consumption
I say that critics of the wealthy are
Just those who don't have cash
And who have never had a prostitute
Spread marmite on their scrotum

My daddy made a dinosaur with
Balsa wood and glue
But before too long I knew
That my dino wouldn't do

My father died a year ago
To dust he's now returned
And I found my wooden dinosaur which
All these years has lasted
And I cremated it and put it
With dad's ashes in an urn
Below a gravestone with three words on it:
"Stingy fucking bastard"

My daddy made a dinosaur with
Balsa wood and glue
Which is all very quaint
But, I'd rather eat foie
Gras inside a Porsche