Tim Minchin - Hello lyrics

Hello welcome to our show
I'm glad that you could come
We're gonna have a hoot
We're gonna have some fun

Sit back put your feet up and relax
I hope you've had a drink or three
The more you've drunk the better I will be
And if you have a mobile phone
Please turn it off

Thank you
And if you have Tourette's syndrome
Just do whatever it is you people do
And if you are offended by
Strong language or blasphemy
Maybe you should chuff off home
Cause it's only gonna get worse
Only gonna get worse only gonna get worse
From now on (Cunt)

My name is Tim i write funny songs and sing
And if you don't think funny songs are funny
Well I respect your right
To think exactly what you like
But, you're sure as shit not
Getting back your money

And if you write for a newspaper
I'd just like to say
That I read your publication every single day
And I agree with absolutely
Everything you say i think you're the most
Perspicacious and delightful
Eloquent, insightful writer
Writing on the subject of the arts
But, if you write a bad review
I promise you I'll come round to your house
And lay turds in all
Your potted indoor plants i'll lay turds
In all your plants! Your indoor plants!
Your potted indoor plants! Hello
Welcome to my show
I'm glad you all could come, come, come
It's time for a little audience participation
Sing, "yeah!" (yeah)
Sing, "yeah!" (yeah)
Sing "yeah, yeah yeah!" (yeah, yeah yeah)
Sing, "Ooo yeah!" (Ooo yeah)
Sing, "I am an audience member!"
(I am an audience member)
"Why are you making me sing?"
(Why are you making me sing?)
"You self indulgent wanker!"
(You self indulgent wanker)
"Just get on with the fucking show!"
(Just get on with the fucking show)