Tim Minchin - Perineum Millennium - The In-Between Years lyrics

Crawls down the side of my water tank life
Cuts like a knife sluts like my wife
And you'd like her too people usually do

Puss

Seeps from the seams of our festering souls
Mostly just dripping ghostly and gripping
Slipping slipping

And if only I knew
And if only I had the questions
And the moment to ask
If only I had the shoes in which to dance

To take a chance to free myself
Enough to paint a portrait
Of my paternal grandma nude in public
Rude and pubic rubix cubic

Sex

Resides in the core of my labyrinth mind
Masturbating Minotaur saucy and sinister
Half man, half bullock
Large swollen bollocks mostly just swinging
Itchy and stinging

Stinging
And there will be times, there will be times
When sunset falls like a wingless bird -
Ne'er to sing again ne'er to wing again
There was an old man called Michael Finnegan
He grew whiskers like magical Mr Mestopholes

In the room the women come and go
Talking of threesomes and Reality shows

But, if only they knew!
And if only they could see the light
If only they could watch me try to write
The songs I long to write

And right the wrongs I thought I might
I mixed my colours with my whites
And now I fight the tide I fight
Mighty tight trousers and really big shoes
And nothing to lose but my stiffy

I grow old, I grow scared
I shall wear my pre-worn trousers flared
And while the shadow may lie
Between ideas and facts
One can lyrically wax
The more interesting gaps

Like the soft bit that sit's
Twixt your arseholes and sacks
We're living in the perineum Millennium
The in between years
Not front bum or back bum
Not fiction or factum nor ideas or reality
Nor the shadow nor the hollow

Not a bosom for a pillow
Not Dante's big whinge
About cruising round Hades
The Perineum is yummy as taties and gravy
It's quite big on the boys
But just small on the ladies
And can break all together
When the ladies have babies
And still we insist
On being brisk with the topic
In the fear the affair will turn

Colonoscopic and we all know what Sigmund
Would say about that as you lie on your back
Etherised on a table like the fabled evening
Spread out against the sky
Let us go then, you and I
Fuck that, Freud you perverted viennese prat
Just cos you're a crack pot
Just cos you wacked off lots
As a little tacker

Your little pre-genius eyeball
Glued to the keyhole
When your mum's in the loo
And you, aged just 2
Sneaking a good ol' peep
At certain half-deserted streets

The fluttering retreats
Of your ma's "meat Venetians"
As she bent over the bath
Your future stared back
Like a glittering path
Gilded with that golden Guilt
Upon which you built your Oedipal empire

But always you searched
For the soft bit unseen
Like text beneath the pages
Or the years between
The anal and genital phases
The pereniul quest life's only true task
The only real test we humans must pass
Begins at the testes and ends at the arse

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a full stop but a colon