Tim Minchin, Oona Laurence , Karen Aldridge, Bertie Carvel, Ben Thompson - Story 2: The Great Day Arrived lyrics

And so
The great day arrived! It was like the
Entire world had gathered to see The
Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air
With Dynamite in
Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects
Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage everything
Was arranged by the Acrobat's sister

A frightening woman who used to be
An Olympic-class hammer-thrower
Who loved nothing better than
To scare the children of the
Town people whispered that in
Her dark and brooding heart
She resented the sister
Both her success and her love

Suddenly, out came the Escapologist
Dressed as usual in his
Tights and spangly costume
But there was no sign of the
Acrobat, and no glimpse at all
Of her shiny white scarf
And instead of a musical
Fanfare, there was silence
As he solemnly strode into the room

Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and
Girls! The Burning Woman
Hurling Through the
Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair
Over Sharks and Spiky Objects
Caught By the Man Locked in
A Cage has been cancelled!

No!

Yes! The audience gasped so loud that
A passing aeroplane caught it
On it's instrumentation and recorded it
As an atmospheric phenomenon

Cancelled, because my wife is pregnant!

Oh, Matilda!

Absolute silence you could have heard
A fly burp then suddenly
The audience jumped to it's feet
And roared in appreciation!

The great feat was instantly forgotten
And the applause went on for nearly an hour

So it has a happy ending!

Forgotten, by everyone except
That is the Acrobat's
Sister when all had quietened down
She stepped forward and produced a contract!

A a contract?

"A contract was signed to perform this feat
And perform this feat you shall!"

No!

"I have paid for the
Posters, publicity, the catering, the toilet
Facilities if I give the
Crowd their money back
Where is my profit?! A contract is a
Contract is a contract! My hands are
Tied the Burning Woman, Hurling Through the
Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair
Over Sharks and Spiky
Objects, Caught by the Man Locked in a Cage
Will be performed, and performed this day
Or off to prison you both shall go!"

No! No!