Citizen Soldier, Halocene - Wish I Could Cry lyrics

Built a fortress trading memories
For always feeling empty
Lost purpose running from my pain
I made a prison shining trauma
And never found Nirvana
Sold cyanide for novacaine

I've learned that there is no
Healing in not feeling anything
I'm just a cage of skin
That threw away the key
To fall apart right now that'd
Feel like ecstasy but
These walls weren't built to break

I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
Million thoughts in my head and
They all want me dead
I'm too good at holding them down

I really wish that I could cry right now
But, I'm afraid that I've forgotten how
Being numb's how I cope with
The hell that I've known
But the silence is making me drown
I really wish that I could cry

I really wish that I could cry

I've had to wear a thousand faces
Be fake to just replace this
Panic that my past holds tight
Now every feeling's lost it's flavor 'cause
I feel so much safer
As frozen than in fight or flight

I've learned that I'd rather suffer
I would rather agonize
Than lose the little things
Just for the alibi that taste of tender love
Is worth a sacrifice I'm living not alive

I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
Million thoughts in my head and
They all want me dead
I'm too good at holding them down

I really wish that I could cry right now
But, I'm afraid that I've forgotten how
Being numb's how I cope with
The hell that I've known
But the silence is making me drown

My life is full of love but I'm empty
'Cause, I've been so afraid of remembering
I just want to break down I'm ready
So let me please

I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
(Let this out)
Million thoughts in my head and
They all want me dead
I'm too good at holding them down

I really wish that I could cry right now
(Cry right now)
But, I'm afraid that I've forgotten how
(Forgotten how) being numb's how I cope with
The hell that I've known
But the silence is making me drown

I really wish that I could cry