Epic Rap Battles of History, Nice Peter , J. B. Smoove - Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson lyrics

Epic rap battles of history!
Thomas jefferson! VERSUS!
Frederick douglass! BEGIN!

When in the course of human events
It becomes necessary for a battle to commence
Then kplow! I hit 'em with
The illness of my quill
I'm endowed with certain unalienable skills
Let me run down my resume, will ya?
Set up a little place
Called the United States sound familiar?
I told King George he could eat a fat dick
When it comes to declaration I'm
The first draft pick i'll topple any tyrant
So kings and pirates beware
I'm so down with revolutions
I invented the swivel chair
I've many volumes on my shelves, it's true
But I've yet to read the three
Books you wrote about YOU
Looking like a skunk in a three piece suit
Didn't come back from Paris to
Battle Pepe Le Pew
First Secretary of State, VP number two
Not to mention third president
The fuck'd you do?

You finished? okay
Straight outta bondage! A brainy mother
Fucker here to diss you
Big hair, big nuts, big issues
Starting with your nickel: there's
A real declaration heads for racist
Tails for a slave plantation
You're a soft white Monticello Marshmallow
Watching my people sweat while
You sat playing cello, hello!
But now you're facing me, Freddy D
I'd never work for your ass
But I'll kick it for free
(Ugh) Your stone face on
Rushmore ain't nothing
Check my photos, now that's real muggin'
The face of a free man
Taught himself to read, man
No compromise, you couldn't whip a 5th of me
Man!
You got a self evident truth of your own
You let freedom ring
But never picked up the phone!

Oh Frederick
I've never heard a verse I dug less
Alright I admit it, I confess
I participated in a broken
System that I hated but I needed to keep
My financial status situated
And the words I used were "hideous blot"
To describe the slave trade and
The pain it hath brought
And I fought to stop the trade
Of new slaves in Virginia
When I ran the whole state and
Still made it home for dinner
So forgive me, I was busy
Man, I had a lot to do
But we did it, you're free now sowe cool?

This ain't Louisiana man i ain't buying it
You talk about freedom
But you ain't applying shit!
So no, we ain't cool
You founding absentee father
You had six babies with your slave mama
And never even bothered
To free her when you died on the 4th of July
It's a very important holiday
But what the fuck does it mean to this guy?
Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865
The day the 13th damn amendment was ratified
And I ceased to be an
Alien to your unalienable rights
And "We, the People" stopped meaning
"We the people, who are white!"
Man, you did some good things
I ain't denying your fame
I'm just saying, they need to put an asterisk
Next to your name

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP
BATTLES oF HISTORY!