Epic Rap Battles of History, EpicLLOYD, Dan Bull - Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill lyrics

Epic rap battles of history!
Winston churchill! VERSUS!
Theodore roosevelt! BEGIN!

Bully! A challenge! I love competition!
Now where would I mount the
Stuffed head of a Winston? I'm into fitness
Digging ditches through an isthmus!
Rough ridin' down to Cuba like "What's up
Bitches?!"
I keep my rhymes pure, like my food and drugs
I'm an American stud
And you're the British Elmer Fudd!
I mean, for Christ's sake! Look at that mug!
At least grow a spruce mustache and
Cover part of it up!
And let's face it, you're not all that great
You tossed away lives in Gallipoli like
They were scraps off your plate!
Your whole miserable country is the
Size of one state!
I could see my way through running
That without donning my Pince-nez!
Don't go toe to toe with me
You bloated drunk old man
Why don't you Do-Si-Do on over
To a 12 step program?
I'll bust a trust fund lush
With my American muscles
So walk softly over here and give
My big stick a suckles!

Pass me a cigar and a large glass of brandy
I'm about to take you out prematurely
Like your family i'm the Rhyme Minister
Fresh in a hat and dinner jacket
You look like a mix of
EpicLLOYD and a Pringles packet!
I was saving the planet from
An axis of darkness
While you were back home
Opening national parks, yes!
You were born asthmatic
You're going to choke hard
While I wake up every day
And chain smoke cigars!
I'll fight you on the beaches, I'll
Fight you on the beats, yes!
Any way you want to fight I'll
Fight ya and I'll beat ya, see?
I might be battling you
Even though I'm toasted
But tomorrow I'll be sober and
You'll still be roasted!

My parents died when they were
Young and it was morbid
But at least they didn't ditch me when
They were alive like yours did
Oh shit! World War Too soon?
Well Teddy's dropping bombs
So you best go hide in your tube!
You should be ashamed of your military honor
Everyone knows you're back home like
"Thank God for Pearl Harbor!"
Don't worry, the US will give you a pass
Just change your poster to keep calm
And kiss my cousin's ass

Steady there, I don't think it's very fair
For a British bulldog to melee
With a Teddy Bear
You're no man, you're an overgrown Boy Scout
I should stuff you in a pram just
So you can throw your toys out!
They put your fat head on
A mountain to save face
But, if Rushmore was a band
Then you'd play bass! Look at Roosevelt
The dude's about to lose
The bout to Churchill!
If a bullet to the chest won't stop you
My words will

A bullet can't stop the Bull Moose!
TR will give WC the full deuce!

Whatever shit you throw at me
I'll just return to sender!
I'll battle to the end and
I will never surrender!

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE! Epic rap battles of history!