Jazz Emu - The most offensive word in the english language lyrics

Can I have a word with the person
Who came up with the word pineapple
(ooh hoo) are we really certain that we find
This version of the word acceptable
(ooh hoo)
When literally every other language
Said 'ananans' english panicked
And mentally combined the concept of a
Pinecone with a frickin' apple
Why stop at that?
All the things in the world should be named
After two other things with
Minimal conceptual link why say 'curtain'
When we know a perfectly good
Word woulda been a windowwink
Do we really wanna eat a dull banana
We could be eating hotdoglemon
Saying 'foot' is boring
I would rather call it
My meatpaddle (Meatpaddle, Ooh hoo hoo)
Chewin' on a bowl of morninggravel
(Ooh hoo hoo)
Drying myself with a human flannel
(Ooh hoo hoo)
Getting kicked in my fleshnutsatchel
This is my agenda:
I want to amend every word to resemble
Pineapple