Monty Python - Argument lyrics

I'd like to have an argument, please
Certainly, sir have you been here before?
No, this is my first time i see well
Were you thinking of taking a five
Minute argument or a course?
Well, what's the cost?
It's 1 for a five minute argument
But it's 8 for a course of ten
I think I'll take the five minutes
And see how it progresses
Very well now, Mr hayward isn't
Free at the moment, nor is Mr baker
Here we go, Mr maynard, Room 12 thank you
What do you want?!
Well, I was told outside -
Don't give me that
You snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
What?! Shut your festering gob, you tit!
Your type really makes me puke, you pervert!
What are you doing?! I came
In here for an argument!
Oh! I'm sorry, but this is abuse
Oh, that explains it
Yes, you want Room 12A next door thank you
Not at all (Door shuts) Stupid git
Is the right room for an argument?
I've told you once no, you didn't
Yes, I did when?
Just now no, you didn't
Yes, I did no, you didn't
Excuse me is the five minute
Argument or the half hour?
Oh, just the five minute
Thank you anyway, I did tell you
No, you most certainly did not
Let's get one thing straight: I
Most definitely told you no, you didn't
Yes, I did no, you didn't
Yes, I did no, you didn't
Yes, I did this isn't an argument!
Yes, it is
No, it isn't it's just contradiction
No, it isn't
Yes, it is you just contradicted me
No, I didn't yes, you did
No, no, no you did just then
That's ludicrous oh, this is futile
No, it isn't
I came in here for a good argument
No, you didn't you came in
Here for an argument
Well, argument isn't the
Same as contradiction can be
No, it can't
An argument is a collective series of
Statements intended to establish
A proposition no, it isn't
Yes, it is it isn't just contradiction
Look, if I argue with you i
Must take a contrary position
But it isn't just saying No, it isn't
Yes, it is no, it isn't argument's
An intellectual protest
Contradiction just the automatic
Opposite of any
Statement the other person makes
No, it isn't yes, it is
Not at all now, look - (Bell dings)
Good morning what?
That's it good morning
I was just getting interested
I'm sorry, the five minutes is up
That was not five minutes i'm afraid it was
Oh, no, it wasn't
(Argument professional looks around the room)
I'm sorry
But I'm not allowed to argue anymore what?
If you want to go on arguing you'll
Have to pay for another five minutes
But that was not five minutes, just now
(Professional whistles) Oh, come on
If you want to continue arguing
You must pay for another five minutes
Oh, fine here thank you
Well? Well what?
That was not five minutes, just then
I told you, you have to pay i just paid
No, you didn't yes, I did
No, you didn't
I don't want to argue about that
Well, you didn't pay
Ah, but if I didn't pay
Why are you arguing? Aha! Got you
No, you haven't
Yes, I have if you're arguing
I must have paid
Not necessarily i could be arguing
In my spare time oh, I've had enough of this
No, you haven't oh, shut up!