Monty Python - The Spanish Inquisition lyrics

Chapman: Trouble at mill
Cleveland: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone
Owt askew on treadle cleveland: Pardon?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone
Owt askew on treadle
Cleveland: I don't understand
What you're saying
One of the cross beams has gone
Out askew on the treadle
Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean?
Chapman: I don't know - Mr Wentworth
Just told me to come
In here and say that there
Was trouble at the mill
That's all - I didn't expect
A kind of Spanish Inquisition

Enters, flanked by two junior cardinals
Cardinal Biggleshas goggles pushed
Over his forehead


Cardinal Fang is just Cardinal Fang

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish
Inquisition! Our chief
Weapon is surprisesurprise and fearfear and
Surprise our two weapons are fear and
Surpriseand ruthless efficiency our
Three weapons are fear, surprise
And ruthless efficiencyand an
Almost fanatical devotion to the Pope
Our fourno amongst our weapons amongst our
Weaponryare such elements as fear
Surprise i'll come in again

Chapman: I didn't expect a
Kind of Spanish Inquisition

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the
Spanish Inquisition! Amongst
Our weaponry are such diverse elements
As: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency
An almost fanatical devotion to the Pope
And nice red uniforms - Oh damn!
I can't say it - you'll have to say it
Biggles: What?
Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit
About 'Our chief weapons are '

Chapman: I didn't expect a
Kind of Spanish Inquisition

Biggles: Er nobodyum ximinez: Expects
Biggles: Expects nobody expects
Theumthe Spanishum ximinez: Inquisition
Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects
The Spanish Inquisition in fact
Those who do expect -
Ximinez: Our chief weapons are
Biggles: Our chief weapons areumer
Ximinez: Surprise biggles: Surprise and -
Ximinez: Okay
Stop stop stop there - stop there stop phew!
Ah! our chief weapons are
Surpriseblah blah blah cardinal
Read the charges
Fang: You are hereby charged that you
Did on diverse dates commit heresy
Against the Holy Church 'My old
Man said follow the -'
Biggles: That's enough
Clevelnd: We're innocent
Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Biggles: We'll soon change your
Mind about that!

Ximinez: Youright! Tie her down

Ximinez: Right! How do you plead?
Clevelnd: Innocent
Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal
Give the rack give the rack a turn

Biggles: I ximinez: I know
I know you can't i didn't
Want to say anything i
Just wanted to try and
Ignore your crass mistake biggles: I
Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid
Biggles: Shall I? Ximinez: No
Just pretend for God's sake ha! Ha! Ha!

Ximinez: Now, old woman - you are accused
Of heresy on three
Counts - heresy by thought, heresy
By word, heresy by deed
And heresy by action - four
Counts do you confess?
Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of
Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you
Understand! Biggles! FetchthE CUSHIONS!

Biggles: Here they are, lord
Ximinez: Now, old lady - you have one last
Chance confess the heinous sin of heresy
Reject the works of the
Ungodly - two last chances and
You shall be free - three last chances you
Have three last chances
The nature of which I have
Divulged in my previous utterance
Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it
- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her
Lord ximinez: Have you got all the
Stuffing up one end? Biggles: Yes, lord
Ximinez: Hm! She is made of harder
Stuff! Cardinal Fang! FetchthE COMFY CHAIR!

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because
You can survive the soft cushions well
We shall see biggles! Put her
In the Comfy Chair!

Ximinez: Now - you will stay in
The Comfy Chair until lunch time
With only a cup of coffee at eleven
Is that really all it is? Biggles: Yes, lord
Ximinez: I see i suppose we make it worse
By shouting a lot, do we? Confess
Woman confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess! Ximinez: Not you!