Monty Python, Michael Palin, John Cleese, Graham Chapman - Monty Python and the Holy Grail - Opening Scene lyrics

Whoa, there!

Who goes there?

It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon
From the castle
Of Camelot king of the Britons
Defeater of the Saxons
Sovereign of all England!

Pull the other one!

I am, and this is my trusty servant
Patsy we have ridden the
Length and breadth of the land in search of
Knights who will join me in
My court at Camelot
I must speak with your lord and master

What? Ridden on a horse?

Yes!

You're using coconuts!

Wwhat?

You've got two empty halves of coconut
And you're bangin' 'em together

So? We have ridden since the snows of winter
Covered this land, through the
Kingdom of Mercia, through

Where'd you get the coconuts?

We found them

Found them? In Mercia?
The coconut's tropical!

What do you mean?

Well, this is a temperate zone

The swallow may fly south with
The sun or the house
Martin or the plover may seek
Warmer climes in winter
Yet these are not strangers to our land?

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Not at all they could be carried

What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

It could grip it by the husk!

It's not a question of where he grips
It! It's a simple question of
Weight ratios! A five ounce bird could
Not carry a one pound coconut

Well, it doesn't matter will you
Go and tell your master
That Arthur from the Court
Of Camelot is here?

Listen in order to
Maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs
To beat it's wings forty-three
Times every second, right?

Please!

Am I right?

I'm not interested!

It could be carried by an African swallow

Will you ask your master if he wants
To join my court at Camelot?

Oh yeah, an African swallow, maybe
But not a European swallow that's my point

But then the African swallow's not migratory

Wait a minute - supposing two
Swallows carried it together?

No, they'd have to have it on a line

Well, simple! They'd just use
A standard creeper!

What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?

Well, why not?