Lil Dicky, Snoop Dogg - Professional Rapper lyrics

Hello, how can I help you?
Hi, my name's Dave Burd uh
I have an appointment today
It's probably under "Lil Dicky", actually
I'm a i'm a rapper, so
Okay, and who are you here to see?
Uh, Snoop Dogg? Says here "Snoop D-O-G-G"
Oh, yeah he's right down the hall
First door to your right
Give him a knock and he
Should be right with you
Thanks it's uh, this door right here, right?
Mm hmm thank you

Grab a seat
Thanks, I'm Dave, very nice to meet
Dave, what it do? You can call me Dogg
Let me just check your sheet
No problem, sir, let me just say
I'm a big fan of the shit that y'all make
I can't lie
I been thinking about this all day
All good, there's a reason that we called
Dave, let me start with your background
Where you come from?
Sure, I was undergrad down there in Richmond
Before that
Oh, you talking 'bout my hometown? Yeah
I was born out of Philly
Grew up in a little silly
Old town called Cheltenham
It was in the suburbs
Upper-middle wealth around so real shit
You ain't never had to struggle for much?
I wouldn't say it like that
We just had a different kind of trap
Elaborate well I ain't never had a tool
But I had to be the man at school
Like I was doing shit I had to
Do so when I finished undergrad
I'm cool and I can get whatever job I wanted
But the job you wanted
Wasn't all that bumping
Yeah, and I saw it quick all the flaws that
Be coming when you grow up like that
When you been racing them rats
You ain't been making them raps
Boo hoo what a hardship
How you paid to get the rap shit started?
Man, my Bar Mitzvah money
But don't diss me buddy
I wasn't one of them youngins up on
The block who had nothing to lose
I must've wanted this a lot
I had something to choose ha, look at that
I can say there's something to
Prove up in yo' ass yeah, I guess
That's enough of the past
What makes you want to do rap?
Oh my God, it's the best
Bitches let me draw up on their breasts
Literally, I can reinvent myself
I get a forum to project myself
It's never boring
Every morning I wake up and
Try to best myself
I never got to be suppressed
Or stealthy to express myself
It's kinda healthy cool, now let me put you
Through a couple hypotheticals sure
In a club and a couple niggas threaten you
Uh, I wouldn't do shit
And I don't even get what that
Got to do with this?
Shut the fuck up, rap's like life
If you wanna do this
Then you won't get far acting
Like a little bitch nah, that's my niche
Don't get offended by this
But that's the market y'all missed
That's the target I'll hit and that's
The heart of my pitch
I wanna do this whole thing different

What the fuck you mean you wanna
Do the whole thing different?
Uh, you know, II think, like, you know
Traditionally people have been doing the
Job, uh, you know
The same kind of way for a long time
But traditionally speaking, this shit works
Right? Nah, like, I get that, but
I I just think like, you know
You don't know if it could
Be working even better
And I think you should look at me
As an opportunity to find that out
I don't mean any disrespect by that
I'm just saying I have a different background
Like a different perspective way of looking
At things than your typical applicant

So what are your biggest strengths?
Well, my flow is crazy
I can switch that amazing for example
I can be like ain't nobody
Fucking with Lil Dicky
When he get up on that shit
And spit it sick and ridiculous
Ripping this shit like it's never been did
And the rhythm is never predictable
'Cause I can switch it
Deliver this shit in whatever
Cadence you bitches prefer
Alright, alright, I get it
Top of that, lyrically I'm pretty damn clever
(Go)
Got a long bottom bitch, call the ho Neville
(Whoa) and I blew it from the jump
Derrick Rose knee (Oh)
You can say I'm pretty smart
How I know better
And y'all been winning like Pistorius
It's no feat bro, I can go on and on
I'm taking over any man like father-in laws
Okay enough of the punchline
That ain't showing me you different
Than the other guys
Well I don't know if they
Can run it like that
But ain't nobody else doing funny type rap
What's that?
Well, I can tell a story about my morning
Watching Boy Meets World and jerking
Off to Topanga Lawrence
Like the 14 year old Topanga
Oh, this shit like a joke to
You? I don't get it
Nah, it ain't like that I just happen to
Be a nutty abundantly funny
Type of individual
Like, as a guy, so when I get up on the mic
I ain't finna just lie
Real recognize real, right?
Yeah, I guess so what you tryna do
Five years from now, tell me 'bout the dude
Well, I don't care about the money
Like, it's the respect that I'm wanting
Honestly, I just want to be one of the greats
Where they gotta bring your
Boy up every debate
I don't wanna leave the game the same
In a nutshell, what's your legacy?
Well, I wanna be the dude that came
In and made the stand-up rap
Put the random rap in demand like that
For the people that was anti rap
Yet, the fans of rap start
To recognize that anti rap
Is ironically one of the real
Brands of rap left
That shit sound pretty damn complex
I guess, I wanna be the best
I just wanna do it my way
And turn the whole game sideways
And show people you ain't gotta
Be resigned to the highway
You can make a path while
These motherfuckers drive straight
I ain't mad at that
Well thanks, man, that's my plan of my attack
Just let me in and I'ma rap the plaques
And I ain't about to win them back to back
I'm 'bout to win them like it's back to
Back to back to back to back
'Til I stop rapping
You ain't even sold a damn album yet true
That's a lot of talk from a wily vet
Let alone a young rook', nigga
You misread me nah, this ain't a book, nigga
Well that's one of my flaws
I'm too competitive dawg
No, you just fucking repetitive dawg
I get it, you trying to be better than all
But you aren't shit until cheddar's involved
I get that I gotta prove myself
No shit, you ain't done shit
Think about that though
Only doing this a couple of years
One tape and I'm like this?
This shit is aight for your first shit
But you don't know if it's your worst shit
You don't think finding out
Would be worth it? It might be, it might not
But I'ma put your ass to work, kid

Wait, like, like I have the job? Like really?
Well one more thing
Let me see if you could put a hook together
What would you do for the hook for this song?
Uh, you want me to make a hook up right now?
Do I look like the type of
Nigga that like repeating himself?
All right, uh, okay man, do the hook!
I'm 'bout to be professional
Homie, I'm professional
Uh, maybe like a low voice type thing?
Nigga, that shit is garbage, man
Well, you know, i feel like there might have
Been some upside to it
But I'm not good at thinking of
Things on the spot like that
Don't y'all normally like outsource for
That kind of thing sometimes?
Sometimes, but you know
That was some next level
Dogg shit right there yeah, you know
I'm just way better when I
Get to think things through have, like
My dual screen action that type of thing
Whatever man, you tryna smoke a blunt?
Right now? Yeah
Sure

Dope juanita, bring some weed in here
Please thank you
You got it, Snoop i'll be right there
Thanks, Juanita super nice woman
Nigga, why does everything you
Say sound so soft?
Uh, I really don't wanna be
Spoken to like that, so
Pfft, yeah, whatever thanks
Hey, I got y'all your weed
Damn, that's some great looking weed
It's just so early
Can I get you guys anything else while
I'm here? Coffee? Tea? Head? Bottled water?
D-Did you just say head?
Yeah you ain't never got no head before?
I mean just feels like a lot, right now okay
But what kind of tea do you guys have?
We got mint, raspberry, Earl Grey
English Breakfast actually, I'll take head
I knew your little dirty ass wanted some head