The Key of Awesome - We Were Never Actually Together lyrics

I got dumped by Jake Gyllenhaal last year
So I bought this hipster voodoo doll
With a beard
I'm stabbing him right in his Gyllenballs
Still he won't return my calls Why?
I'm calling just to say that I've moved on
With my life
This'll be the last time that I call tonight
Do you mind If I sleep on your lawn
I say I love you we hates him the precious
Smeagol
O-o-o-oooooh One side of me gets the hint but
Phphhhhtphhhphhht
This side is ogidy ogidy ogidy
We were never ever ever actually together
Sweetie remember member member
Smoking crack together we ate chalk
And did bath salts and had sex with a tree
Um We have never ever done
Any of that together like, we sort of did my
Stuffed animals totally remember it
Yeah, I remember that me too
I swallowed a whole bottle of these pills
Flintstones
These voices in my head feel like a drill
Gollum he's telling me that we have to kill
Your mom
But I can't seem to trigger this bomb darn
M-m-m-m-m-mMMM
I can't hear you through the gag
Ohhh looks like, I just needed new batteries
She can never ever ever be put back together
Now he will never ever ever
Give me back my sweater
I've moved on and soon I'm
Gonna be a Kennedy Yippee!
Their family curse gets worse and
Worse with every century
They got shot, his plane got lost
And this ones dating me
If he ever dumped me ever ever ever
Ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER
He will be dismembered my precious