The Stupendium - Ad Infinitum lyrics
Gregory J. Holgate
[The Stupendium - Ad Infinitum lyrics]
Whoa! If it isn't a Lightner! Hey, hey hey!
Looks like you’re all alone on a late night
All your friends abandoned you for
The slime you are?
Sales gone down the drain, drain?
Living in a goddamn garbage can?
Ha ha hahaha!
Friend, either you're closing your eyes
To savings you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of
The caliber of discounts
Indicated by the presence of
A heart-shaped object in your community
Hey kid, look at you! Right time, right place
Ripe for the picking
Right monеy in your pocket!
You’re so lucky! Very lucky! Oh, so vеry
Very lucky! That you get to be investing
In this very special product
From everybody’s favorite number-one
Rated salesman, circa 1997
Mighty proud to say it! Mighty
Proud to say it!
Yes, I’m mighty proud to say it! Yes sir!
Don’t you want to have a little fun
Little sponge? Little something to pluck you
From the glum humdrum?
Live comfortably, capital at risk, yum-yum!
Listen up! For the offer only comes just once
Hey, chum! I can see
You’re having violent thoughts
But don’t you wanna, wanna be a
Be a big shot?
Inquire today while the secret’s in stock!
All you gotta do is hyperlink blocked
I used to be nothing but the email guy
Now I’m the "It burns! Ow! Stop!
Help me! It burns!" guy! Ha ha hahahaha!
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
Are you feeling down? Have you lost control?
Is your life a mess? Do
Your friends despise you?
Well, here’s one weird trick
Discovered by a mom
And I’m sure number five will surprise you!
All you’ve ever dreamed of, shining
Glistening! Gotta buckle up! Grab life
By the silly string!
You can have it! You can
Have it! Say the word, it’s yours!
Ha ha hahaha! I wasn’t listening
See, it says just here, right here, last year
On the third of the fourth at 5: 06
You searched cat pics online, well
That’s just fine moist, delicious cookies
Little tippy tap kitty catalyst
Now we have a list
And we’ll guess what every habit is
Wanna buy a cat flap?
Cat food? Catchup? Catamaran?
You’ll be categorically catatonic
At the catalog of categories I
Have at my hands
A cavalcade of all your favorite brands
An advertism schism cataclysm
Cash on demand!
You’d better cancel your plans
Cash for the crackers and the
Pickles and the flypaper!
Wanna buy a cat plush? Plush
Toy? Toy box? Box wine?
Why won’t Mike just call me?
Backgammon? Ham and eggs? Egg
Chair? Chair bed?
Bed bath? Bath sponge? Sponge
Who hates it's $499 life boat? Boat shoe?
Shoestring? String bean?
Bean bag? Bagpipes? Pipe bomb? Bomber jacket?
Jackdaw? Doorstop?
Stop! No, please! Don’t take my furniture!
Stopwatch? Watchdog? Dog collar? Colorado?
Adderall? Ads are all seeping
Ping pong? Ponchos? Choke chains? Chainsaws?
Swordfish? Shish kebab? Bobcat?
Do you want a cat or not?
Well, you wanna be a big shot, don’t you?
Don’t you wanna be the next big thing?
You can do it! Yes, it’s true
It’s really true
There’s nothing to it, I can prove it
Hear the registers ring!
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring
Ring, ring, ring, ring
You’re kidding? It’s for you garbage noise
Wanna know a secret? Hyperlink blocked
You too can have a communion with, hahahaha!
Soon, I’ll even surpass that
Damned clown around town!
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
Holy cungadero there, you funky, little worm
You seem unaware of all the
Money you could earn
If you wanna get the gold
Well, there is stuff you gotta learn
Milk the humans of their kindness
Then there’s butter to be churned
You want it, need it, don't you see?
But if you wanna make your screen green
You’re gonna need my kromer key
Yes, you’ve got trouble, my friend
Whadayatalk? Right here in Cyber City
See, I used to be a top notch big shot!
Best deals! Best wheels! Best
Best prices in the tri-state area
But you can get it back! Hahaha! Yes
You can! All you gotta do is follow
Through my twelve-step plan bigger, bigger
Better like the telephone was telling me
You gotta know the territory! Spend a hand
Lend a grand
Who’s gonna patronize a little bitty
Two-by-four kinda store anymore?
Gotta go! Gotta get! Gotta get on and go!
Make a deal! Big deal
High score! Our store is closing
Hot tip! Drop shipping! Four, three, two, one
Not skipping offers wired into your inbox
Swing by the gift shop! Think
Of the big shot!
All this and more, click, hyperlink blocked
Can anyone hear me? Help
Mike, Mike? Ha ha haha!
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
Insurance! Know that I’m the best in policy!
Honestly, do you want to end in poverty?
Buddy, I’m the one to
Help invest it properly!
I’m here to talk about extended warranty!
It’s a super bumper, liquidation, last chance
First day, half price
Fire sale like never before!
And it’s there to explore
When you step in the door
The very model of a
Modern major general store!
But the fact is everybody’s gotta have it
Gotta have it
Those who have it really have it
If you haven’t, well, you’ve had it
Couldn’t hack it
Now the haven'ts haven't had it and
The haves are very glad it's
Just the haven'ts that're lacking
What they’re having
Now the ads have got the traffic
And we’ve grabbed your demographic
So you’re packing up your basket
'Cause your dad has gotta have it
He’ll be sad if you don’t wrap it with a tag
It’ll be tragic
So you’re manically grabbing at the
Shelves amid the panic
Seems that everybody has it, man
You really gotta have it so you get it
You’re ecstatic but a crackle in the static
And the it is out of fashion, just a fad
A piece of plastic so you trash it then you
Get back into your car
'Cause you don’t have it
And the fact is everybody’s gotta have it
Gotta have it
Those who have it really have it
If you haven’t, well, you’ve had it
Couldn’t hack it
Now the haven'ts haven't had it and
The hads are very glad it's
Hochi mama, what a mouthful!
In the encyclopedia of being afraid
There ain’t nothing to be scared of
'til there’s fees to be paid
There’s deals to be made
With seasonal savings!
Regional ratings are lethally fading
Screaming and raving, ceaseless appraising
Legally grey but sweet with the phrasing
Feet in the grave but gleefully trading
Feeding the cravings, eat little plaything
Deals so good I’ll myself
Feeding the cravings, eat little plaything
Gone with the sugar barrel, pickle barrel
Milk pan
Feeding the cravings, eat little plaything
I can feel that smooth taste already!
Feeding the cravings, eat little plaything
Hyperlink blocked
Looks like you’re all alone on a late night
All your friends abandoned you for
The slime you are?
Sales gone down the drain, drain?
Living in a goddamn garbage can?
Ha ha hahaha!
Friend, either you're closing your eyes
To savings you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of
The caliber of discounts
Indicated by the presence of
A heart-shaped object in your community
Hey kid, look at you! Right time, right place
Ripe for the picking
Right monеy in your pocket!
You’re so lucky! Very lucky! Oh, so vеry
Very lucky! That you get to be investing
In this very special product
From everybody’s favorite number-one
Rated salesman, circa 1997
Mighty proud to say it! Mighty
Proud to say it!
Yes, I’m mighty proud to say it! Yes sir!
Don’t you want to have a little fun
Little sponge? Little something to pluck you
From the glum humdrum?
Live comfortably, capital at risk, yum-yum!
Listen up! For the offer only comes just once
Hey, chum! I can see
You’re having violent thoughts
But don’t you wanna, wanna be a
Be a big shot?
Inquire today while the secret’s in stock!
All you gotta do is hyperlink blocked
I used to be nothing but the email guy
Now I’m the "It burns! Ow! Stop!
Help me! It burns!" guy! Ha ha hahahaha!
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
Are you feeling down? Have you lost control?
Is your life a mess? Do
Your friends despise you?
Well, here’s one weird trick
Discovered by a mom
And I’m sure number five will surprise you!
All you’ve ever dreamed of, shining
Glistening! Gotta buckle up! Grab life
By the silly string!
You can have it! You can
Have it! Say the word, it’s yours!
Ha ha hahaha! I wasn’t listening
See, it says just here, right here, last year
On the third of the fourth at 5: 06
You searched cat pics online, well
That’s just fine moist, delicious cookies
Little tippy tap kitty catalyst
Now we have a list
And we’ll guess what every habit is
Wanna buy a cat flap?
Cat food? Catchup? Catamaran?
You’ll be categorically catatonic
At the catalog of categories I
Have at my hands
A cavalcade of all your favorite brands
An advertism schism cataclysm
Cash on demand!
You’d better cancel your plans
Cash for the crackers and the
Pickles and the flypaper!
Wanna buy a cat plush? Plush
Toy? Toy box? Box wine?
Why won’t Mike just call me?
Backgammon? Ham and eggs? Egg
Chair? Chair bed?
Bed bath? Bath sponge? Sponge
Who hates it's $499 life boat? Boat shoe?
Shoestring? String bean?
Bean bag? Bagpipes? Pipe bomb? Bomber jacket?
Jackdaw? Doorstop?
Stop! No, please! Don’t take my furniture!
Stopwatch? Watchdog? Dog collar? Colorado?
Adderall? Ads are all seeping
Ping pong? Ponchos? Choke chains? Chainsaws?
Swordfish? Shish kebab? Bobcat?
Do you want a cat or not?
Well, you wanna be a big shot, don’t you?
Don’t you wanna be the next big thing?
You can do it! Yes, it’s true
It’s really true
There’s nothing to it, I can prove it
Hear the registers ring!
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring
Ring, ring, ring, ring
You’re kidding? It’s for you garbage noise
Wanna know a secret? Hyperlink blocked
You too can have a communion with, hahahaha!
Soon, I’ll even surpass that
Damned clown around town!
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
Holy cungadero there, you funky, little worm
You seem unaware of all the
Money you could earn
If you wanna get the gold
Well, there is stuff you gotta learn
Milk the humans of their kindness
Then there’s butter to be churned
You want it, need it, don't you see?
But if you wanna make your screen green
You’re gonna need my kromer key
Yes, you’ve got trouble, my friend
Whadayatalk? Right here in Cyber City
See, I used to be a top notch big shot!
Best deals! Best wheels! Best
Best prices in the tri-state area
But you can get it back! Hahaha! Yes
You can! All you gotta do is follow
Through my twelve-step plan bigger, bigger
Better like the telephone was telling me
You gotta know the territory! Spend a hand
Lend a grand
Who’s gonna patronize a little bitty
Two-by-four kinda store anymore?
Gotta go! Gotta get! Gotta get on and go!
Make a deal! Big deal
High score! Our store is closing
Hot tip! Drop shipping! Four, three, two, one
Not skipping offers wired into your inbox
Swing by the gift shop! Think
Of the big shot!
All this and more, click, hyperlink blocked
Can anyone hear me? Help
Mike, Mike? Ha ha haha!
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
We’ve got never bettered bargains
We’ve got deals you won’t believe
We can tell you what you want
Before you realize what you need
If you’ll pardon us the jargon
Here’s our Darkner guarantee
We take cash or card or credit
But we’ll take your heart for free
Insurance! Know that I’m the best in policy!
Honestly, do you want to end in poverty?
Buddy, I’m the one to
Help invest it properly!
I’m here to talk about extended warranty!
It’s a super bumper, liquidation, last chance
First day, half price
Fire sale like never before!
And it’s there to explore
When you step in the door
The very model of a
Modern major general store!
But the fact is everybody’s gotta have it
Gotta have it
Those who have it really have it
If you haven’t, well, you’ve had it
Couldn’t hack it
Now the haven'ts haven't had it and
The haves are very glad it's
Just the haven'ts that're lacking
What they’re having
Now the ads have got the traffic
And we’ve grabbed your demographic
So you’re packing up your basket
'Cause your dad has gotta have it
He’ll be sad if you don’t wrap it with a tag
It’ll be tragic
So you’re manically grabbing at the
Shelves amid the panic
Seems that everybody has it, man
You really gotta have it so you get it
You’re ecstatic but a crackle in the static
And the it is out of fashion, just a fad
A piece of plastic so you trash it then you
Get back into your car
'Cause you don’t have it
And the fact is everybody’s gotta have it
Gotta have it
Those who have it really have it
If you haven’t, well, you’ve had it
Couldn’t hack it
Now the haven'ts haven't had it and
The hads are very glad it's
Hochi mama, what a mouthful!
In the encyclopedia of being afraid
There ain’t nothing to be scared of
'til there’s fees to be paid
There’s deals to be made
With seasonal savings!
Regional ratings are lethally fading
Screaming and raving, ceaseless appraising
Legally grey but sweet with the phrasing
Feet in the grave but gleefully trading
Feeding the cravings, eat little plaything
Deals so good I’ll myself
Feeding the cravings, eat little plaything
Gone with the sugar barrel, pickle barrel
Milk pan
Feeding the cravings, eat little plaything
I can feel that smooth taste already!
Feeding the cravings, eat little plaything
Hyperlink blocked
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