The Stupendium, Paul Marke, John Vallins - Amateur Wordsmith lyrics

Seems a lot of rappers like to rap
About how good they're at rapping
I'm not that good at rapping
And I'd hate to be dishonest with you

So hip hop is a new hobby I've found
It's great! But there's only one
Part that leaves me confounded
One thing that split's me
From a proper rapper
And that's a lack of grasp
On the subject matter
I can't rap about bitches and hoes
Riches and clothes
Beating up and leaving in stitches in foes
'Cause I've no knowledge of those
And it's a problem, I know!
'Cause it seems that they're the themes
That rappers go to for prose
So all I'm left with is
To bolster my own ego
But I don't think that's
Really for me though
Seems the easy way for rap today is
Just to claim to be pro
I'd clearly be lying trying to
Make you believe so


I'm just an amateur wordsmith
You'll be indifferent the instant
You've heard it
When I'm finished you'll be wishing
You'd skipped the track
So here's three minutes you won't get back

I can't sing of bling
'Cause I don't got a lot one gold chain
I'm afraid it's on a pocket watch
Disgusting numbers of cufflinks to top it off
My sleeves hold together better than
The clever rhymes I drop
But if you need a dapper
Rapper I'm your man G
I'm going wild across the board, Jumanji
And I'm aware that there's a
Fair few better than me
But if if I'm not your first choice
I'll be your plan B
So hit skip if I ain't taking your fancy
'Cause I'm pretty quick but I
Ain't breaking the land speed
Oh, you've got plan B? Well make it plan C!
I'll just have to join the
Q like John De Lancie
May not have seen me but I'm
Nothing you ain't heard before
Green on the mic, but no I'm not a herbivore
Though you'll often find me leafing
Through a damn thesaurus
Acceptable, Adeque, Average, nothing more


I'm just an amateur wordsmith
You'll be indifferent the instant
You've heard it
When I'm finished you'll be wishing
You'd skipped the track
So here's three minutes you won't get back

My biggest accomplishments are a far cry
From the raps I cook
And no condiments can mask the
Taste or ghastly looks
So if we're honest I should
Really get my taxi booked
No use fishing for compliments
My lines are lacking catchy hooks
I gotta face the facts
This act just wasn't meant to be
When I drop the mic
Half the time it's accidently
Street credit? I've maxed my overdraft
And if I'm making paper it's
Strictly arts and crafts
Cashing in on urban culture
Like a greedy ogre
Fashion sense the whitest thing you've
Seen since grecian togas
Rehash the arts and crafts analogy
To see me over the only pigment that I'm
Packing here is medi-ochre

I'm just an amateur wordsmith
You'll be indifferent the instant
You've heard it
When I'm finished you'll be wishing
You'd skipped the track
So here's three minutes you won't get back


My rhyming couplets can't be as
Bad as some you've heard
I take a lot of care in
Pairing up the funny words
50% of the time it's a 90 attempt at a rhyme
The other half it's not
My skill with similes is something
That I haven't mastered
It's like a pileup on the freeway
I'm slowly moving past it
And now you've heard my way with
Words in the last bit
Let's see how I handle
The obligatory fast bit

I'm just an average kid from the south
Less spitting, more running off the mouth
Screwing the musical stew I've been brewing
I'm chewing up tunes and
Then spewing them out
Failing at fame, I am fairly forgettable
Pointless in putting me up on a pedestal
Unless you're conical hat with a d on it
Comically bombing my raps as illegible
Trying to tackle more than I can handle
Wannabe wishing he's wasky or Dan Bull
Clearly my crappiness can't hold a candle
If I'm the shit then I'm
Straight for the landfill
And if I'm looking to lengthen my lyrics it
Always look lovely if lines are alliterative
Lining up letters, while lyrically gimmicky
Lands the illusion your skills are unlimited
But looking for the lines
That alliterate wittily
Can leave you lost in the
Leaves of a dictionary
Logging a litany of logical liberties
Letting the lemons elope in your limousine
Luring the listeners to love your display
Leading to likes on the link on your page
It's just a lousy loophole I leverage
To tell you the truth it's
Just easier to say

Blimey you're still here?
Wow didn't think you'd make it up
To when I slowed down
Thanks for humouring my stupor of a flow
You've been super and I know that
You all wanna go now
I appreciate I've kept you for some time
Without a reference to titties or gun crime
And though it hit most of the beats
I knocked out some rhymes
Sorry to say it doesn't
End with the punchline