The Stupendium - Room for Improvement lyrics

It’s half eleven and your doorbell chimes
Yeah, I know I said I’d start at nine
But I had to grab a bap on the M25
Don’t worry, love
Still gonna charge for the time
‘Cause I’m a jack of all tradesmen
And your place is craving renovation
Straight from the facias
Down into your basement
'fraid your radiators need replacements
Greatest decorator in an eighth-mile radius
Don’t check my ratings
Swear they’re outrageous
All their outrage is baseless, I’m blameless
Only three of my extensions evеr caved in
You got savings? Ooh, well I hope you do
‘Causе it’s a heck of a
Job that I’m quoting you
Look, I know that you only
Want a coat of blue but to be safe
I’d better run my dozer through


I could do it in a flash, in a jiffy
In a jot but the trouble is, love
It’s coming up one o’clock
So I’ll have a spot of lunch
Then a cuppa then I’m off
And I’ll come back tomorrow
See if anything’s in stock
If I’ve got it in the van, that’s grand
If I haven’t then I gotta
Get the parts from Japan
They should be here in Jan'
Maybe June, in a year, maybe two
But I’ll take the down payment now
See you soon


I tell you, I’ve got five star reviews
And by that I mean I
Have five one-star reviews
Which is basically the same thing
Don't think about it

Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Are you sure you want the glass translucent?
I can see a little room for improvement

I'm a one man overhaul sporting overalls
Though I don’t recall the load-bearing walls
So I suppose I ought to bulldoze 'em all
Eh, your home is sort of disposable
I do wiring, grouting
I put your power shower in
That pipe ain’t leaking
It’s just a little fountain
What do ya mean that’s not
What a power shower is?
The spout’s right here where
The plugs are mounted?
I’m the handyman with the plan
To retire via cheating cash from your gran
Do you really need to tile all my ceilings?
That’s right, I’m afraid
That’ll be ten grand
If your wall’s too bland, I can lend a hand
Got a car full of samples too artfully fan
And most of the lead-free cans aren’t banned
Though some colours are still carcinogens
We got Eggshell, Beige, Ecru, Sage
Hessian and Sesame and Peppermint Rage
Indigo Dingo, Elephant Plague
Hotdog Embargo and Lemon Rampage
Baby Blue, Navy Blue, Gravy Blue, maybe blue
Grape and Rhubarbecue, Caribou Cabin Crew
Third Degree Verdigris, Turtle Infirmary
Phlurple and Curdle and Terminal Burgundy and


Oh, white? You’d prefer white?
Okay then, whatever, that’s fine too
Not hurt or anything, just a bit emulsional

Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Are you sure you want the glass translucent?
I can see a little room for improvement

Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
The fixtures are nice but the
Quote don’t include them
I can see a little room for improvement

They say home is where the heart is
And that’s true enough, I guess
‘Cause it seems like your garage is
Now in cardiac arrest
I’ve installed some extra arches
But your bathroom's somewhat less
I’m afraid to say your bath is
Firmly parked upon your desk

I’m a stone-cold filler, pro roach-killer
I’m a fixture of fitting in
A kitchen in your villa
But my tea cup could use a little refill
And I don’t suppose you got a biscuit, do ya?
I’m no clever boffin but you
Know I’m never stopping
I can stick up a partition quicker
Than you’d slot a noggin
I’ll be bodging 'til my spirit's level
Lying in a coffin 'Til then
I got a new side gig in pressure washing

Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Are you sure you want the glass translucent?
I can see a little room for improvement

Satisfaction guaranteed
Cash in hand and no receipts
Your dream home is my debris
How’s about a cup of tea?
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
You clearly just don't appreciate
The Brutalist movement
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
I can see a little room for improvement
Regulations? Nah, never use 'em
I can see a little room for improvement