The Stupendium - Vending Machine of Love lyrics

This is a song about soft drinks
And nothing else
Get your mind out of the gutter

Hey guys, are your lips dry?
Any desiccated ladies trying to get by?
I know the best way for the
Girls and the boys to
Come together and enjoy a little moisture
So you’re waiting on the
Mate that’s one-a-million?
And carbonation ain’t the way
That you envisioned you say it’s strange but
Baby shed your inhibitions
And let your date slip
Into something aluminium
She’s elegant and eloquent
And so effervescent
Subtle bubbles in my stubble
Feeling ever so pleasant
Never thought I’d find a girl
With such a delicate essence
Free with the meal deal at the delicatessen
Saw you sittin’ in the fridge with a twinkle
Are you a multipack can or are you single?
A little of sipping and a spritz isn’t sinful
I’m just finna get my finger
In your ring pull


So slot your pennies in the
Vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx
That you’ve been dreaming of
If you’re cursed with the thirst
Of a lonely man you can get your juices
Flowing with some OnlyCans
Every glamorous can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you
Can handle three-thirty mil
Get lost in the froth as the foam expands
Get your lovin’ whilst you’re
Gluggin’ on some OnlyCans

Now you’ve seen other paysite galleries
But none of those girls
Taste like raspberries so if you think we’re
Just some obscene cannery
All our cans are over eighteen calories
So, give a spray for
Some flirtatious behaviour
That come-hither hiss is what you came for
We’ve been brewing up a plethora of flavours
Say we’re crude
You can never say we’re tasteless
So if you drink it straight or with a mixer
Bring a mister or a missus home for dinner
Everybody’s got a different fizzle
In their spritzer
What’s it matter what ingredients
Are on your sticker?
I haven’t met you all, but it’s contextual
You’re all impeccable if it’s consensual
If you’re ace, demi, pan, flexible
End of the day we are all can-sexual


So slot your pennies in the
Vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx
That you’ve been dreaming of
If you’re cursed with the thirst
Of a lonely man you can get your juices
Flowing with some OnlyCans
Every glamorous can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you
Can handle three-thirty mil
Get lost in the froth as the foam expands
Get your lovin’ whilst you’re
Gluggin’ on some OnlyCans

So slot your pennies in the
Vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx
That you’ve been dreaming of
If you’re cursed with the thirst
Of a lonely man you can get your juices
Flowing with some OnlyCans
Every glamorous can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you
Can handle three-thirty mil
We can semi-guarantee that we won’t be banned
Get your lovin’ whilst you’re
Gluggin’ on some OnlyCans

May be fizzy but I’ll spit a little candour
Sure it’s sticky but we’ll
Lick the spillage after
There’s only one app for tin-can philanderers
Snapping what the can did
With your candid camera
Can a can cancan? Yes it can
All the cans in Cannes are
Canuck cans in Canada
Manly cans in Canberra in canoes
Grabbing noodles and canoodling with
Cans in Can Tho mexican cans in Cancun
Scandalously scantily clad in their scanties
And decanting at you
Camping with a Scandinavian can
Under a canopy
Alone in a canyon with your can boo
Share a cannoli with Italian cans on
The canals before a candlelit dance
Then canter off to Canterbury
For a canny romance
You better cancel your plans
This Can-sonova can’t handle the demand
Of Cantabrian cañ-oritas in cantinas with
Fans on the Canary Islands
Strip canasta ‘til you’re down to your pants
And your can panion froths over your hand
Damn, these Cantonese Shizes are
Your creamiest stans
So go over to - Can-bodia
You can let the local flavour flow over you
Getting down with the hard, round chromium
Lovin’s never been so low-sodium
Can looking like a snack? That’s a canape
Can paining like Barack? That’s a candidate
Can sweet on your tongue? That’s a candy cane
Can rocking them guns? That’s some cannonade
Feel that can in your heart? That’s a cannula
Can sends it’s regards? That’s a Canister
Inquisitive can? That’s a canvasser
Insensitive can? Cantankerous

So slot your pennies in the
Vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx
That you’ve been dreaming of
If you’re cursed with the thirst
Of a lonely man you can get your juices
Flowing with some OnlyCans
Every glamorous can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you
Can handle three-thirty mil
Get lost in the froth as the foam expands
Get your lovin’ whilst you’re
Gluggin’ on some OnlyCans

So slot your pennies in the
Vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx
That you’ve been dreaming of
If you’re cursed with the thirst
Of a lonely man you can get your juices
Flowing with some OnlyCans
Every glamorous can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you
Can handle three-thirty mil
Hey, don’t touch, just hold the cam
Get your lovin’ whilst you’re
Gluggin’ on some OnlyCans

So download OnlyCans
The game for soda lovers!
It’s got very high ratings!
…Oh, oh sorry no it’s very ‘hydrating’
My mistake