Polearm - penance lyrics

I cannot compete for bitches, man
You're just the saddest bunch
I got them sitting in their bedroom
And they're feeling mad as fuck

I used to be so embarrassing
Nowadays, I don't say shit
Everybody hates everyone
But they're too afraid to say it
I'm just not better than anybody
I get distracted by pretty bodies
Maybe if I had just taken my time
I wouldn't be trapped in this melancholy
I watched my friends become enemies
I guess they just wеren't feeling me
Look through the rubblе of everything
I guess that shit wasn't meant for me
I love every leaf that grows after me
Look down the branch, they still mad at me
They think that my grass is greener
It didn't come naturally
They think that my fruit is sweet
But they're never taking a bite of me

(Dammit, I'm living what I wrote)
What came first, the music or the misery?
Goddammit, I'm living what I wrote

Seems I made my heart to mincemeat
I just miss the feel when you kiss me
Cry in front of my friends in the backseat
I'm so tired, it's not that hard to see
I'll never know when it's my turn
Search for the feeling that I yearn
Won't be a stone I leave unturned
Light all the bridges, I'll let them burn
Not sure if it's fine to still cry about
Things that I thought I was over with
And you aren't mine
I still wish I could call you
And get this pain over with
'Cause every time that I see
You on my phone
Don't know if you're missing me
One thing's for certain
The one thing that matters is
You're not forgetting me
'Cause I told you that I love you first
Nowadays, I've been feeling the worst
I'm sorry the thought of you doesn't hurt
Just missing the feeling you would return
Salt in the wound, guess I'll let it burn
I need my penance, there's more to learn
I'll never know when it's my turn
I'm one with the birds again
I'm one with the woods again
I know it's better off that
That I did it myself again