Schäffer the Darklord - Battlefont lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen, one and all
It is time for the night's main event
Tonight we've a treat, so
Please take your seat
And please finish placing you bets
For in moments dozens will enter
And soon after dozens will fall
Till the very last left in the center shall
Be crowned the one ruler of all
The claim to this crown's
Been disputed for years
But now all will be settled at last
All of the fallen defeated
Forever deleted -this
Battle will be a blood bath
The combatants are all the typefaces
The arena's a Word document
And the best will take all
In a contest that's
Called Battlefont -commence!

Battlefont! And we fight as the
Skies fill with cries
Tall till we fall and we die
Battlefont! Rages on and the
Strong will be gone
Done! For there can only be one!

The odds on favor in Battlefont
Is a titan who's knelt before no one
He's the one they all know, he's
The star of the show
And he goes by Times New Roman
And the closest contenders who vie for his
Throne have so long awaited their chance
Courier's pacing and Arial's patient
But both have their base of fans
And along with the others
They gather and march
On their way to enter the venue
War faces cold they all stand in bold as
They drop from a pull down menu
Once their all in and gates closed
Old Times New Roman he sneers left and right
He says "I'll see you in hell
For when they ring that bell
Battlefont starts -and we fight!"

Battlefont! And we fight as the
Skies fill with cries
Tall till we fall and we die
Battlefont! Rages on and the
Strong will be gone
Done! For there can only be one!

And instantly all the knights in the
Square turn their anger on one
And with their bare hands they
Grab Comic Sans and
They pound on that clown till he's done
Witnessing this Jokerman gulps and he
Flees fearing ugly demise
He runs away but like Playbill and Broadway
(hey) the mob catches up and he dies
All of the suave fonts -Niagara, Verdana
Tahoma -all stand back to back
(They all stand back to back)
All tall and thin needing numbers to win
But get toppled by Stocky Impact
And the crazy one, Wingdings
Leaps into the fray and the others
All pause when he says
" (screaming/roaring) "
With that Windings is dead
Stencil cries "charge!" No troops
Has he left, So the war vet goes in alone
Lucida and Georgia will die at his
Feet but Century crushes his bones
And fearsome Old English with
All of his spikes
Barbs and swords equals mighty effective but
With blood in his teeth from a slain
San serif even he falls to Helvetica
Poor Richard has grown very fearful
And Bookman increasingly stressed
To dark and brooding Bauhaus is unmoving
He's better off dead then depressed
The arena now littered with corpses, the
Numbers grow thinner and thinner
And a cursory scan of the
Carnage at hand seems
To point to Times as the winner of!

Battlefont! And we fight as the
Skies fill with cries
Tall till we fall and we die
Battlefont! Rages on and the
Strong will be gone
Done! For there can only be one!

But wait, not so fast
'cause when old Times turns his back
To wave to the crowd he is
Taken down by an Arial attack!
Arial's waited in silence for years at last
It is his time to shine
Time's burial is the sign Arial is
The greatest font of our time!

We stand and cheer these results
As we reset our default
Settings in Mac and PC docs
Arial's now the only font!

Battlefont! And we fight as the
Skies fill with cries
Tall till we fall and we die!