Schäffer the Darklord - The Opener lyrics
[Schäffer the Darklord - The Opener lyrics]
Check, check, check, check
Cash, Credit, Debit get it?
Aw forget it, hold up
Give me a second - Check it!
Mr soundguy in the booth, hey what's up?
Please put your fingers on those faders
Push 'em all the way up
So I can holler at all of these people
So I can welcome 'em as they are enterin'
So I can let them all
Know what they're getting in
Maybe I'll yell at them "Ladies
And Gentlemen! I have every intention of
Giving your disbelief suspension
Only requesting several seconds worth
Of your precious attention" so I can
Hit the stage and warm it up it's so cold
Here we go, So you thought you might like
To go to the show?
Let's have us a laugh now lift up your glass
And here's to what's hoping - at last!
I'd like to introduce you all
To your opening act! (yeah)
Open up your eyes open up your mind
Open up your heart open up your hands
Open up all right open up your arms
Open up your wallet open up your mouth
The opener has come to open up tonight
Last name Darklord, first name Schaffer
But everybody's always misspelling that shit
When they're listing it up in the paper
AND if you can not remember that
Than you can just as easily
Be calling me S to the T to the goddamn D
I come from NYC, specifically from Queens
Always rock a suit on stage
Never tees and jeans
I have released these CDs on which
I've talked of my disease
If you get nerds hot nightly
Well then you're A Lot Like Me
See I'm an oddity, an oddball, an anomaly
And I got all of my skills from my history
Of musical theater and heavy metal and comedy
All of these rotten kids calling
Me labels that I've
Been unable to keep falling on to me
Honestly, I've managed to amass a modestly
Sized following - Follow me!
We're gonna go on an adventure
We're all in this together
Now ready or not
Here comes the heavy weather
So all aboard, but just you be warned
If we are delayed I'm to blame
Cuz guess what?!
I'm still the sickest passenger
On this train! (yeah)
Everyone's waiting to see what will happen
"Now who is this stranger
That's rappin'?" You're askin'
My fans have been naggin' "When
You comin' back in?"
While I'm in the lab and
Still tracking this action
And if you downloaded this record for free
Then good for lucky you
And if you've already memorized
All of the words whoopty-fucking doo, dude
Nah, I'm humbled and honored
And grateful and all of
The rest you'd expect
But I am so old and so cranky
At times it is so hard to hide my contempt
Please don't take it personally
If I am curt with thee
If I should scarily snap back in my defense
I already warned you all I'm a Very Bad Man
And I've had struggles with drugs and
Lots of weird issues with sex, It's true
Just ask my therapist and my army of exes too
Callus with my family
A jackass to my friends
But I'll never change, I'll never apologize
And I'll never attempt amends
(Now back to the show)
So now that I have been released from my cage
I'll page your headliner
Show them to the place upstage
As I rap and I point and I sweat
And I spit and I swear and I kill and I shout
Then drop my mic, light my piano on fire
And bounce I'm out (Yeah)
YEAH!
UNH!
Thank you
Cash, Credit, Debit get it?
Aw forget it, hold up
Give me a second - Check it!
Mr soundguy in the booth, hey what's up?
Please put your fingers on those faders
Push 'em all the way up
So I can holler at all of these people
So I can welcome 'em as they are enterin'
So I can let them all
Know what they're getting in
Maybe I'll yell at them "Ladies
And Gentlemen! I have every intention of
Giving your disbelief suspension
Only requesting several seconds worth
Of your precious attention" so I can
Hit the stage and warm it up it's so cold
Here we go, So you thought you might like
To go to the show?
Let's have us a laugh now lift up your glass
And here's to what's hoping - at last!
I'd like to introduce you all
To your opening act! (yeah)
Open up your eyes open up your mind
Open up your heart open up your hands
Open up all right open up your arms
Open up your wallet open up your mouth
The opener has come to open up tonight
Last name Darklord, first name Schaffer
But everybody's always misspelling that shit
When they're listing it up in the paper
AND if you can not remember that
Than you can just as easily
Be calling me S to the T to the goddamn D
I come from NYC, specifically from Queens
Always rock a suit on stage
Never tees and jeans
I have released these CDs on which
I've talked of my disease
If you get nerds hot nightly
Well then you're A Lot Like Me
See I'm an oddity, an oddball, an anomaly
And I got all of my skills from my history
Of musical theater and heavy metal and comedy
All of these rotten kids calling
Me labels that I've
Been unable to keep falling on to me
Honestly, I've managed to amass a modestly
Sized following - Follow me!
We're gonna go on an adventure
We're all in this together
Now ready or not
Here comes the heavy weather
So all aboard, but just you be warned
If we are delayed I'm to blame
Cuz guess what?!
I'm still the sickest passenger
On this train! (yeah)
Everyone's waiting to see what will happen
"Now who is this stranger
That's rappin'?" You're askin'
My fans have been naggin' "When
You comin' back in?"
While I'm in the lab and
Still tracking this action
And if you downloaded this record for free
Then good for lucky you
And if you've already memorized
All of the words whoopty-fucking doo, dude
Nah, I'm humbled and honored
And grateful and all of
The rest you'd expect
But I am so old and so cranky
At times it is so hard to hide my contempt
Please don't take it personally
If I am curt with thee
If I should scarily snap back in my defense
I already warned you all I'm a Very Bad Man
And I've had struggles with drugs and
Lots of weird issues with sex, It's true
Just ask my therapist and my army of exes too
Callus with my family
A jackass to my friends
But I'll never change, I'll never apologize
And I'll never attempt amends
(Now back to the show)
So now that I have been released from my cage
I'll page your headliner
Show them to the place upstage
As I rap and I point and I sweat
And I spit and I swear and I kill and I shout
Then drop my mic, light my piano on fire
And bounce I'm out (Yeah)
YEAH!
UNH!
Thank you