Schäffer the Darklord - The Heckler lyrics

Shut up! Nobody speak or laugh or dance
Cause right now I'm giving
Somebody else a chance
Tonight we have a very special guest
It's the heckler right there
He's got some things on his chest
So give him
Your attention- undivided attention
Like, pretend he's a guest speaker
At a shithead convention
Or pretend he's on stage
Rocking the coliseum please down in front
I hope that everyone can see him
No further ado, all of you
Please give a little love to you know who
All the way from the
Audience of tonight's show
Ladies and Gentleman, I give
To you the heckler, Go!

How do you do it dude?
It's like you got a gift
Worthy stream of consciousness
Improvisational riffs
You can really face a challenge
Where a coward would hide
I'd fucking call you a genius
To which the heckler replied

Shut up!
I'm talking to the heckler in the house
Shut up!
Do us all a favor, just shut your mouth
Shut up! Do you understand just what
I'm talking about? Shut up!
Or get out shut up!
Or get out

Why do you do it? I don't know why dude
I wouldn't interrupt you at your
Fucking job at the drive-thru
I'm on the bill tonight
I'd like a chance to speak
And I think drunk douche bag
Is scheduled next week
You thought you'd get a couple laughs
You were hoping right well fuck you
It's my show- go find an open mic
And I'll even drive you to one
If you promise to leave
I'll refund your five bucks
Even throw in a CD
You're a turd, you're retarded
A retarded turd a re turd
The kind of dick that thinks
He's funny screaming out Freebird
But don't do that joke now
Don't even try it
Because A) It isn't funny and B)
You didn't even write it
This is a solo act, not a duet
Comprende mi amigo? Am I getting
Through to you yet?
Did you think you found your niche?
Did you think it'd make you rich?
Did you think this was your pitch?
You're just the next most
Obvious rhyming word

Shut up! I've got a whole set
So let me finish it please shut up!
Do you have Tourettes or similar disease?
Shut up! Just do a couple shots and
I'll get your keys shut up!
Or just leave shut up!
Or just leave

Shut up!
I hope you break a leg, and a few bones
Shut up!
I hope you sense the sarcasm in my tone
Shut up! Surprised that you aren't on
A cellular phone shut up!
Or go home shut up!
Or go home

Look, you're not clever
Maybe take your endeavors
And maybe take your shit away from me forever
And ever and ever
And never bring it back to my shows
I suppose it goes without saying that
You're staying till close
In the rest of your life
Is your behavior the same?
Like, would you wear a fucking helmet
To an Oakland Raiders game?
And then run on to the
Field to intercept a pass?
You wouldn't- you know why?
Cause they'd kill your fucking ass
You've got my attention
That much I will concede
And I've been heckled by dip shit's
Some of whom could even read
But you, my new friend
You're a very special breed
With low self-esteem
Is it attention you need? You know
There's a million hecklers just like you
And there's one at every show
Pulling the same shit too
And I wrote this tune for
Everyone that ever gets through
But tonight, my new friend
I dedicate it to you

Shut up! You're just talking you've got
Nothing to say shut up!
You'll get your moment soon, just not today
Shut up! I'll try to put this in
The most delicate way shut up!
Or go away shut up!
Or go away

Shut up!
I'm talking to the heckler in the house
Shut up!
Do us all a favor, just shut your mouth
Shut up! Do you understand just what
I'm talking about? Shut up!
Or get out shut up!
Or get out

Shut up!