Schäffer the Darklord - I am Schäffer the Darklord lyrics

(I Am Schäffer) (I Am Schäffer)

Aaaahh o-o-o-ooohh
Under an evil sun, on an evil rock
In an evil land an evil land
Impaled an evil woman with an evil plan
And with his evil hands
Help the newest to his evil clan
And now before you stands out one man
Evil Band t'was the year of the tiger
Under the sign of Scorpio
I was born in a boring town called Corning
Yo lordy yo!
By age five, Mom and Dad are split
But I survive
Surmise that my imaginary friends
Kept me alive it was fine then, but by ten
My friends had turned to voices in my head
At night, in bed
They lead me to some more traces
I might have regretted and
Yet instead of fixatin' on consequences
I spun records backwards and found Satan
Then he and Christ fought
And guess what the hippie lost
So the Prince Dark, got this Mark
On his plate with a little tossed
Salad, as a power ballad played on his stereo
He shit me out
Passed me the mic and now here we go

I am Schäffer the Darklord
Not quite yet deceased
My name first is Mark for I've
Been touched by the Beast
And my opinions make minions and
Crowds bow down before me
Abbreviatin, like Satan, my name down to STD

I'm thigh high in riches
With high fives in kitchens
Never shall I die, beguiled by Christians
Listenin to 's divine interventions
But fuck it, I'm sky high as a kite
Did I mention
I go to rock shows? Thought so
Knock those crowds to your knees
I play drums in two bands
Called 'Bottle Dog' and 'Burmese'
I started 'Syphilis Billing'
I'm from 'The End Of The World'
And I can get my voice so high
Sometimes I think I'm a girl but yeah
I'm lyrically able just find
My spirit unstable
And if you love STD, buy the CD
At the merch table
You cannot buy my Black Box you
Must be high on crack rocks
After the secure round my
Wrist with fast locks i got demons
They're schemin' to bring me
Down to my doom and there's a devil on each
Shoulder like a Popeye cartoon
They're temptin' and baitin'
I'm masturbatin' and waitin'
For the date of our fate and
Now everyone say "Hail Satan!"

I Am Schäffer the Decadent, by my
My neighbors are checkin' it
Records fightin' their kids
They whistle cuz this'll help them
Feel much less queasy
As quickly, they pass by the
Haunted house of me, STD

I've been sent to the surface, snarlin'
Spittin' and cursin'
Ain't a person who's safe from
My crusade of convertin
Skeptics may find my antics
A bit disconcertin'
I'm hurtin' for words
There's birds of prey all day perchin'
Up in my area
I'm scarier alive than a carcass
My blood is black and cold
And I'm told my soul is the darkest
By the big guy downstairs
I throw a hand in the air
Remove the thumb, the ring, the devil horns
Because I don't care you see
The hip hop scene thugs don't
Dig the humorous schtick
And the comedy clubs don't
Want the musical bit
But the heavy metal heads and
Rock'n'rollers cheer and clap
They may be into it
They don't even listen to rap
That's why you are my people yes
All you all are my people
Because you're like me: Fucked up
Horny and all evil and you love it
You puppets you'll follow me down to hell
For I am Schäffer the Darklord and
You're all under my spell

I Am Schäffer the Demonic gothic
And shop at Hot Topic
Talkin' bout walkin' to Hell and Masonic
I'm rotten, erotic you got it? Say "Yes
We see"
I'm a true bastard, your new master
You call me STD i Am Schäffer the Darklord
Not yet quite deceased
My name first is Mark for I've
Been touched by the Beast
And my opinions make minions and
Crowds bow down before me
Abbreviatin, like Satan, my name down to STD