Schäffer the Darklord - The Rappist lyrics

Well, my name is Schaffer and
I'm here to say
I can rock the mic in the oldschool way
I got a funky sound and right about now
I'd like to break it down say what

Don't call it hip-hop
Because it really isn't
If you listen, it's similar
But just a little different
Rhythmically delivered lyrics over
Wicked beats are the end of this
And hip-hop's similarities
Cause I don't bounce and I
Don't do rap hands
See, look at me, I look like an ass, man
No crew, no gin and juice
I'm no Dr dre, I'm more like Dr seuss
I wouldn't use the word rapper
It's rather inaccurate i do talk fast
Use rhyming words like "immaculate"
Hubba-bubba bubble gum
Bubblicious bubble yum
Rubber baby, buggy bumpers - this is dumb
I don't rap about the ladies
All are individuals
Or call my bitching about the world political
I don't send shout-outs, I don't ever front
I just discuss a bunch of
Goofy stuff and say What

I'm not the baddest or the
Fastest or the phattest
My name is STD, my people call me the Rappist
I'm no rapper, this isn't hip-hop
Call me the Rappist and you don't stop well
I'm not the baddest or the
Fastest or the fattest
My name is STD, my people call me the Rappist

Everyone'll wonder
What the booker was under
When I come on out and step to the mic
You were askin' for a rapper
Instead you got the Rappist
And it happens that there's no one I'm like
(outta sight)
I don't freestyle, I only write my words
And I'm singin' it, to me wingin'
It's for the birds i often get asked to by
Non rappin' band nerds
STD is the abbreviation for standard
No DJ, no need for turntables
Just give me my box, a 58 and a cable
An onstage DI and some monitors, too
But keep the reverb off my mix sound man,
Thank you and I don't play tough and say
"Step the fuck back"
What the fuck is that? that's not how I act
I like to keep my audience
Up close to the stage
I'd you rather you stay than
Chased away when I play
So where's Queen's at
(what) , where's Queen's at (what)
Dude, let me show you on this street map (oh)
It's right here, over Roosevelt
Across the East River
That's enough of that crap
I got some raps to deliver

Everybody, look at me who's he, he's STD
He's a geek, he's no MC
Just who the hell he's s'pposed to be
And he's so, I don't know
I know he's no rapper and that's when I go

Hotel, Motel holiday Inn
Killer out of sight
It's the Rappist delight
When goose bumps are jumpin'
Out of your skin (I win)
I don't dance, never, not a goddamn chance
I stand in the back
Clutching a cup in my stance
One hand in my pocket, head nodding
Hunched over
Sippin' cheap yellow beer, clear out
Before the show's over
When a rapper says Throw your hands up
I don't
When a rapper says Make some noise, I won't
Bossing your audience is awfully pompous
So I'll never do it, that's the STD promise
I'll never battle rap or rap like I'm black
And I'll try to never lose sight
Of just where I'm at
Goddammit, and I'll never do that again
And by that I mean end
A sentence with a preposition
I got props for the real hip-hop
Those who pop and lock to
The beat of a boombox
Those who cock their Glocks and
Bawk Fuck the cops
It's just not how I rock and I don't stop

Don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge
And I'm tryin' not to lose my head
In the west I'm the raddest, I'm the best
I'm the Rappist
In the street I've not a drop of cred
(I said)
I almost always write my rhymes on a page
Of 3 by 5 notebooks I buy at Rite Aid
And I like to write 'em
With a Pilot Precise 5
Rolling ball, black ink in extra fine
I don't need a titular line (try)
Stickin' to my themes and
Write original rhymes indeed, I smoke weed
I rarely write without it
But I don't really feel that means
I need to rap about it
I guess, I often write a song by my formula
Which is 3 verses followed by 3 choruses
But never open going, yo, yo
When I hear a rapper do that, I go Oh, no
Though I'm not implying that you
Don't know what you're doing
But often times awful rhymes do ruin
An otherwise perfectly fine instrumental
I think you should avoid ink
And write with a pencil
And erase the parts that don't sound so hot
This'll all be covered in my workshop
Entitled This is How to Write a Rhyme
At least it's how to write it
In a style that's mine

O-o-o-o oooo, that's the sound of the police
But I really doubt they're coming for me
Because I've done no crime
I'm just doing my thing
I'm the Rappist known as STD
Don't call it hip-hop
Because it really isn't
It's just a little different
Did you listen as I hit it
I just spit a mile a minute
Now I'll hit and quit it
I'm only kidding, you with it, you in it
You get it i'm not the baddest or the
Fastest or the phattest
My name is STD, my people call me the Rappist
Bass, how low can you go
Death row, what a brother knows
This is the end of the
Track called The Rappist
And thanks for coming out to the show