Stephen Lynch - Lion lyrics

"Howdy, folks this next song is a
Story of a gal who just
Couldn't choose between to fellers one
Was about the nicest
Guy you ever met, and the other one, well
He's kind of a
Dick let's listen in as these boys
Settle it the only way
They know how through singing and a 1
And a 2 " make a choice - will it be
A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
Or a guy like me?
I would comfort you when you're sad
Well, I would just leave you crying
I would protect you if a lion attacked you
Not trying to fuck with no lion
I would fight a man for your honor
I don't know no kung fu
I'd carry you across a muddy field
Bitch, these Jordans are new
Make a choice - will it be
A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
Or a guy like me?
I would read you romantic poetry
I'll leave that shit on the shelf
My love making would be sweet and tender
This thing ain't sucking it'self, no
I would take you to the finest restaurants
Here's an old Baby Ruth
I would tell you how pretty you look tonight
And I would tell you the truth
Make a choice - will it be
A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
Or a guy like me? But ba-by, baby
The choice is up to you so pick me quickly
'Cause, I've got shit to do
It's true dear, I do dear
I want you to be mine
But let's be clear here
I'm still not fighting no lion

"Let's see what happens next
Every day I'd say how much I love you
I would not
I'd surprise you with gifts and flowers
I'd spend your money on pot, yeah
We would stay up all night just talking
I'd fall asleep when I came
I'd spell your name out with
A thousand rose petals
I don't remember your name!
Make a choice - will it be
A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
Or a guy like me? Make a choice - will it be
A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby
Or a guy like me?

"See? I told you he was kind of a dick"